shadow work Archives - Life Coaching by Christine Gipple

Crave Less (when the default is to accumulate more)

The older I get, the more space I crave.

Space to think, to be, to breathe, to process, to simply exist.

Yet, it’s a theme for me to continually hear myself say, “I want less.” “I need less.” Still.

My old pattern is to do more, achieve more, and to move at lightning speed. Even if my body doesn’t move at lightning speed, my mind typically does. I plan, arrange, organize, and categorize ideas and tasks in my mind before I even get out of bed!

Craving less means I consciously choose less clutter around me, less food in my body, less commitments in my calendar, and less (aka no) toxicity in relationships. In exchange, I’m more connected to what matters most, and I make mindful choices about what I DO want.

Back in the 90’s, my husband and I rented our first vacation spot in the Pocono Mountains: a raised rancher with a sun-room, floor-to-ceiling windows framed in oak, ceramic floors, and completely surrounded by trees. I felt nurtured, connected to myself, and could have stayed there the entire time and been content.

Our “thing” back then was to shop. We had a saying that my husband would “Shop until I dropped.” Even then, I wasn’t into the consumption scene. But I did it because it was part of “our vacation” and something he loved to do. I also felt the instant gratification that came from our purchases, which was another theme for me. I’d run on the high that came from accumulation of things –in the moment. Only to realize later, it was an unconscious pattern to distract, rather than a conscious choice to consume.

Most of those purchases have since been sold at yard sales or given away. Though we did keep a few choice favorites, like this painting below. It depicts a woman sitting solo in meditation, silhouetted in gold, and still brings me peace and a reminder to ground from within.

As I started to crave less, I simultaneously wanted less inner-clutter. I spent a few decades exploring and befriending old beliefs, habits, and patterns that were ingrained in me from childhood. I replaced them with a mindset that focused on my core values and emotions and then took action on the things that I “said” I wanted.

Because here’s the thing. We might say we want something but then find ourselves taking actions that are in direct opposition to the things we say we want. A simple example might be saying you want to exercise, but you find yourself watching Netflix instead of creating space in your calendar to work out. This can happen because of unconscious programming that we’re not even aware of.

Here’s some benefits of Craving Less…

By craving less, I have more:

Space for experiences that fill me up, like yoga, meditation, learning, walking, being in nature, writing, reading and nurturing meaningful connections.
Flexibility to choose who I work with and when because I’ve eliminated the things that don’t work.
Gratitude for the things and relationships I do have vs. what focusing on what others have.
Capacity to live with less in some areas because of opportunities that arise in other areas.
Energy to keep going when things feel challenging because I’ve removed distractions (physical or emotional)!
Money in my pocket because I’m more deliberate and mindful of every choice I make.

And I’m acutely aware that these are choices I make from a place of privilege. Privilege and long, hard work to get to this point in my life.

I’m deeply impacted by my physical and emotional environment, so it’s critical to my mental well-being to keep things simple.

In essence, I need 3 things: Order, Ease and Simplicity. When I have order, I feel ease, and when I feel ease, my life feels simple. Simplicity brings me into balance and alignment with my truest self. The way for me to get here is to consistently assess and release what no longer serves as I evolve and grow.

This goes for my home, my car, my office, my relationships and my calendar. When I’m over-cluttered and over-committed, it’s challenging to make conscious choices because I don’t have clarity.

Most of the clients I work with are similar. Even if they say they love having a lot of stuff around them, or, “They are OK with the status quo”, there’s often a delightful exhale that happens when they remove the outdated excess in their life. This includes habits, patterns, beliefs, jobs, homes, and even relationships that no longer feel balanced or reciprocal.

Today is Feb 18^th, 2025 and I’m curious, What are you craving today? What do you crave less of? What do you crave more of? Is there anything you told yourself you’d start or do, but you haven’t yet begun?

Before you click away, think about what it might feel like to achieve the thing you say you want? Imagine that you’ve started…how do you feel?

Just marinate in that feeling because that feeling just may be the catalyst that supports you to take the action you need to make it happen.

Interested in exploring this together, or just want to connect and say hello, simply reply here. I’d love to hear from you!

By Christine Gipple|2025-02-18T22:40:24-05:00February 18th, 2025|Uncategorized|0 Comments

Year in Review -13 Reflective Questions to set the tone for 2025

One of my family’s daily rituals is to check in by sharing our highs, lows, what we feel, what we need or want, and something we learned that day. This allows us to connect with each other, and brings awareness to what was most significant for us.

At the end of the year, we expand on that and reflect on what worked, what didn’t, what we want more of, less of, and what has to go in the coming year. This year, I added a few more prompts and I’m sharing those below.

The prompts are intended to invite deeper awareness so you can eliminate the things that drain you, and instead, focus on things you value most and what energizes you. You get to choose where you spend your precious time and energy. And only you can decide what stays and what goes.

On a call the other day, I was sharing this list of questions, and heard myself say that I wanted to think about what “gets my all” this year. Keep that in mind as you answer the questions about what gets your “all” this year.

There are 13 prompts to reflect on. I prefer handwriting my answers, but you can do whatever works for you. My daughter wrote her answers directly into her laptop when our family did this practice together on New Year’s Eve.

The practice:

Grab a journal and a pen. Make yourself a cup of tea, coffee, or whatever you prefer. Put on your favorite music and comfy clothes and settle in to spend some time with yourself.
If you want to invite others to do this with you, go for it!
My family and I do this silently together, (meaning we don’t talk while doing it) with music in the background. Once we’re all complete, we take one prompt at a time and share our answers aloud with each other. It’s voluntary and connecting. Often, when one of us shares, another has some kind of realization around something they haven’t thought of for themselves.
This practice invites deeper self-connection and reflection. It allows us to ponder where we’ve been, what we’ve accomplished, and allows us to touch on what we still long for. It also illuminates where we can be more conscious of how we’re using our precious time and energy as we move into the coming year. And within each moment.
Because all we really have is this moment.

The timing:

I like to do it until I feel complete, but if you prefer to use a timer, set it for 20-30 mins. If you want more time, just extend the timer. I enjoy flexibility so if I need more hot water and lemon, I get up to get it. Or if I must use the bathroom, I go. I also want space to explore what comes up in the moment without the pressure of time. So, for me, not using a timer allows me to stay more connected to my mind and body.

The prompts:

What are your biggest celebrations this past year? What are you most excited about that you started, completed, or let go of?
What’s your favorite memory from this past year? (can you connect to core values or needs it met?)
What still feels unfinished, and what are you still craving?
Where do you feel the weight of something you’re carrying — like anxiety, blame, the belief that you’re not good enough, obligations to others that you’ve outgrown, etc.? Think about what keeps you up at night.
Imagine you were ready to let the weight of what you’re carrying go. If you were ready, what’s the first thing you’d do?
What is the biggest hurdle you overcame this year? Or put another way, What did you accomplish this year that you didn’t think you could? What parts of you did you need to access to achieve what you wanted? (tenacity, courage, intentionality, etc.).
What’s the best decision you made this year?
What’s the biggest lesson you learned?
What happened that you didn’t expect?
What was your biggest disappointment or mourning?
What’s something you integrated into your daily life that has kept you sane for this past year?
What’s your biggest gratitude?
What’s something you’d like to “give your all” to in the coming year?

As we move into 2025, let’s take up space together. Let’s allow ourselves to dream, imagine, think bigger than we think we can achieve, and just do the things we think we can’t.

Courage is doing what I think I can’t.

When mind chatter stops you from taking action, or reminds you how you didn’t quite measure up, gently turn DOWN the voice of your inner critic. Instead, remember your answers to these prompts, and turn UP the voice of your wise inner self and follow the passions and desires that light you up.

Here’s to living our lives focused on what matters most – in 2025 and beyond.

Interested in exploring coaching or just getting connected, simply send an email here!

By Christine Gipple|2025-02-18T13:09:06-05:00January 7th, 2025|Uncategorized|0 Comments

Give yourself permission for Reciprocity

Give yourself permission for reciprocity. Make choices for your own self-preservation and self-care.

This time of year, reciprocity often takes a back seat. With so many people in need, it may seem selfish not to give – of our time, our money, our efforts, our service, etc.

Just for a moment, however, let’s put aside the needs of others, and turn the focus onto you.

I want you to think about what you long for in your day-to-day life. What’s missing in your relationships? Where are you settling for less than what you want, and less than what you know you deserve? Where are you hiding parts of yourself to be accepted, or loved, or just to keep the status quo?

In this moment, think about what “Reciprocity” means to you.

For context:

I’m talking about reciprocity in relationships in this post. Relationships that are physically and mentally capable of meeting you where you are, and who have no disabilities prohibiting them from being in a conscious and mindful partnership with you.
I’m not talking about reciprocity in terms of social responsibility or referring to people that are reliant on you, or who are literally incapable of offering mutuality in return

Here’s my definition of reciprocity:

Reciprocity means both parties choose to be in connection, for mutual benefit, and they agree to the “terms” of the relationship. They’re making a conscious choice to be there and to show up as equal contributors – whether that’s a friend, a partner, a parent, or your adult children. They will offer respect, trust, integrity and express themselves in the most authentic version of themselves that they can, while also embodying compassion and empathy – for themselves and the other.

This is what I give, and what I want in relationship. So, I have an expectation that I can be real, honest, and direct – even emotionally messy -and I’ll be received. Because that’s our agreement.

I’m no longer willing to accept relationships that are based on anything less than that.

On Marriage…

My husband and I are coming up on 30 years in March. And we’ve had a rocky road. Feels like 6 marriages within our 3-decade relationship because with each version of our marriage, we’ve come to a deeper level of understanding within ourselves and with each other.
In essence, as we up-leveled, the version of our relationship that we had up to that point was extinguished and we began again.

On friendship…

Another relationship that taught me true reciprocity is that of my very best friend on the planet, Lisa. Lisa and I have known each other since we were babies. Literally. Over the years, we had one clip of time where we weren’t in contact. I suppose we needed that space to do our own work to grow and heal and understand ourselves better. We needed to have our own life experiences so we could return stronger, more connected, and more aligned.
When we reunited, we mutually agreed that we could show up as we were. Even if that meant it was messy, or not all put together.
It meant raw, real, and completely uncensored. Brutally honest and authentic. But also, kind, compassionate and empathetic. Even if it wasn’t what we wanted to hear. We agreed to say what the other needed to hear.

My marriage and this friendship are what reciprocity means to me. Sometimes one person may have something come up in their lives where they need a little more support. But it’s always balanced out with equal time being given to each other throughout the relationship.

I’m reminded of “Chosen Family.”

We can’t choose the family we’re born into. But we can choose the family that brings out the best in us, that supports us, and that allows us to be ourselves.

I found this instagram post this morning by elephantjournal that expands on this.

On Self-worth and burnout…

Reciprocity didn’t used to be so important to me. My worth used to be measured by how much I gave to others – at work, at home, with volunteering, and in my family and extended family – pretty much everywhere.
There’s a saying – “How we do one thing is how we do everything.” And I saw my pattern to run full steam ahead with my selfless acts in multiple areas. I took responsibility for situations that weren’t mine to begin with.
Then I burned out. I noticed certain relationships were tipping too far in one direction. I allowed my outdated core belief of “I don’t matter” to run the show. That belief had me take the backseat to my life, letting others get their needs met before me, often instead of me, and letting others take up space, which left me feeling isolated, empty, and resentful.

Reciprocity is NOT:

Over-giving and feeling resentment
Giving what we think we “should” (a word I’ve deleted from my vocabulary because “should” infers obligation, guilt and “have to” leaving us with zero choice)
Giving because it’s what’s always been done.

On boundaries…

I’m no longer willing to tolerate relationships that aren’t reciprocal. Where there’s only take and no give.
I’m no longer willing to be the only one to make the effort to repair any disconnect that may have happened, when in the end, the relationship was not reciprocal to begin with.

Marshall Rosenberg, the founder of nonviolent communication, talks about giving in the context of willingness in his poem, “The Hungry Duck.” This poem basically says that we want to give from a place of willingness, like that of a child feeding a hungry duck. Because when we’re giving from any other place (obligation, have-to, resentment), we and others will pay a price.

So, circling back to the first questions I asked.

What’s missing in your relationship(s)?
Where are you allowing yourself to settle for less than what you want?
Where are you settling for less than you deserve?
Where are you hiding parts of yourself to be loved, accepted or to keep the status quo?

And I’ll add, what’s it going to take for you to put your own needs and self-care on your list?

Wishing you the courage and strength to no longer settle, no longer accept the unacceptable, and to bring yourself into alignment with your most authentic self that honors your needs, your boundaries and your own self-care.

With love,

Chris

By Christine Gipple|2022-11-25T15:59:05-05:00November 25th, 2022|Uncategorized|0 Comments

Pretending, Avoidance & Addiction – 5 Questions to Navigate Change

It’s 2005. I’m sitting in circle with 15 women and the discussion is being led my long term mentor, Cheryl Richardson, who asks the question, “What are you pretending?” Each woman answers in turn. When it comes to me, my answer surprises me. I respond with, “I’m pretending that my life is OK when it isn’t.” Thirteen years and a 12-year old daughter later, my answer is similar. This time though, there’s a slight but significant variation with my response. This time, I’m not hiding in my discontent. This time I’m not hoping things around me will change. This time, I’m changing me.

Getting Unstuck…

How many times do you stay stuck in situations you don’t love? You tolerate them; you pray; you wish for the people or the situation to change; you hope someone will see your perspective; or you hope the other person will “step-up” to communicate with you in a way that fills your need for connection and attention. Then, when none of this happens, you stay in the same spiral of disconnect within yourself, ruminating over details and data, living in the same circumstances, wearing a façade of acceptance. Pretending.

When we choose to stay, in anything that’s less than what we desire or require, we must ask ourselves what we’re getting by not making the changes we know we need to make. We must acknowledge that we’re getting something or we wouldn’t do it. Some need is being met, some benefit is coming from our action or we wouldn’t continue with the same pattern or behavior.

So what are you getting by not changing what you know you need to change?

Do you get to avoid discomfort? Do you avoid exposure of a truth that’s too embarrassing for you, or that you think is too upsetting for others to hear? Or maybe you get to tell yourself, it’s for “the kids?” Let me clue you in. The kids know what’s going on anyway. You’re not sparing them any pain by staying in a situation you’d rather not be in. They see the upset, the disconnection, the hugs that aren’t happening, the conversations being avoided, the looks not being exchanged. Even if they’re little, they sense it energetically.

Perhaps you get to stay on auto-pilot. You get to do what’s familiar. You get to stay in your routines and habits which feels safer and more secure than changing. You get to avoid feeling pain. You get to numb out. You get to say you “have to” do whatever it is, and you continue to not think, not feel, not process what’s really happening around you. Maybe you get to not have to do the work in your relationships. Or maybe you get to hide in your addictions.

Addictions

Addictions show up in all of us, not just in those drawn to alcohol or drugs. We are addicted to alcohol, books, clutter, computer games, drugs, education, exercise, food, learning, Netflix, people, porn, sex, shopping, strategies, work, or even the recovery process. Our addictions allow us to numb out and avoid the pain we don’t want to feel.

The strategy is avoidance. The payoff is we get temporary relief by avoiding the pain of change.

What’s the cost of avoiding making the changes you need to make?

Costs of our Avoidance

Maybe it’s disconnection to those you really care about, drama, emotional pain and turmoil, physical pain in your body like arthritis, auto-immune disorders, colds, migraines, cancer or any multitude of other manifestations. Whether it’s ruminating negative thoughts that dominate your choices and behaviors, one thing is certain. We can be sure that our bodies will detox pain however they can. They’ll take us out when we need to reset – I’ve learned this first hand more than once. In physical form, unprocessed pain might come out as disease. Emotionally, unprocessed pain is likely to come out sideways through our toxic behaviors and patterns having the potential to destroy relationships. The question becomes, what are you willing to do about it?

Pain…

Here’s the deal. We all feel pain. We all feel sadness and despair at some point in our lives. No one is spared from pain or change.. Change is the one constant we can depend on.

Change can feel hard and scary and messy.

Change brings up anger, discomfort, discord, fear, resentment, and vulnerability. Even if you like change, it’s still awkward, especially when we don’t know what’s on the other side.

While I love ritual and routine, I also love freedom and spontaneity, so at times I feel in conflict with my own needs. In the past I’ve seen myself pass by opportunities out of fear, and I’ve jumped impulsively into a heartfelt YES without knowing where it was taking me. I’ve experienced situations where anything was better than were I was, so I jumped into the unknown trusting I’d be held in the uncertainty.

Life can be feel hard and impossible sometimes. These past few months, I’ve learned when I show up as vulnerable and real, unseen doors open that allow more growth and more healing. I’m learning to trust myself and speak my truths, even if it means people might leave, or not like me, and even if my words might land in someone else in a way I didn’t intend. How my words land isn’t my responsibility, how I deliver them is. I can only control my presence in which I offer myself.

You might be surprised at how others show up FOR you when you show up AS YOU.

My invitation to you is this: Stop pretending your life is ok if it isn’t. Speak your truth. Say what you feel. Ask for what you need. Take off your mask.

Action Challenge:

This week, take 5 minutes to close your eyes and ask yourself these five (5) questions.

Where are you hiding?
What are you pretending?
What’s one change you’d like to have made 3 months from now?
What’s one doable, small, achievable and realistic thing you can do this week, to take a step toward that change?
Are you willing to make this commitment to yourself? If so, when?

Did you like this article and challenge? Let me know what shifted as a result of this challenge or even just from reading this article. I love hearing from you. Email me here, or leave a message in the comments below.

Sending you so much love…

Chris

Sharing is caring! If you know someone who would love this article, please share it with them. 🙂

Want to stay connected? Join my community of change makers here.

By Christine Gipple|2018-12-15T22:55:03-05:00December 15th, 2018|Uncategorized|3 Comments

Avoiding the spiral of mental chatter ♥

We did a street-long yard sale yesterday, and after the sale I noticed myself engaging in mental chatter about lost time. I spent time prepping for it, organizing it, physically being at the sale, then packing up the remainders for the various charities that will receive them. Then this morning, I woke with similar thoughts on how this sale took time away from other things that needed to happen, but thankfully, I shifted quickly.

Truth is, yes, it did take time, and, the items are gone, which was my goal. Our intentions were to make this our last sale, to have fun with family and neighbors, and to let my daughter have a lemonade stand with her friend. We released unneeded belongings, and created space for things and activities we do want!

So if my goals were met, why the constant inner banter about what I could’ve been doing instead of the sale? Because my to-do list is reallllly long and my mind chatter never stops. I desire order, ease, and simplicity. Letting go brings me these things, and it also takes work for me to get them. As much as I love to feel at ease, to have order, and for life to be simple, I need the structures in place to have those things. I also need good boundaries around my time.

How about you? Does your mental to-do list overwhelm you and stop you from achieving what you say you want to do? How do you move forward when mental chatter is in overdrive?

Here’s 3 things to do when mental chatter is spinning you into overwhelm.

#1 Start…Something. Pick one thing and just start. It doesn’t have to be perfect, and it mostly won’t be, but the act of movement will motivate you to keep going. This morning, I considered my mental list, wrote out all that I wanted to get done, then narrowed it down to what was most important, and what would feel most productive by simply being started. I slotted myself a specific amount of time and when that time was up, I stopped and moved on with my day. I’m putting time and attention to my priorities, which feels gratifying, energizing, and productive.

#2 Ask for help. I woke this morning mentally listing out all that needs to happen today, and the reality is my husband will be gone all afternoon, so it’s all on me. In order for me to accomplish everything we need to make our home happy today and this week, I need help. So I asked.

#3 Receive the help. This may sound silly and obvious, but sometimes we can ask for the help, then when it comes, we find we’re still doing all the work anyway. Give up the need for things to be perfect, and allow the support to be there for you. Example: My husband was grabbing some raised beds from Home Depot for me while I worked this morning. He texted me photos with questions, and I couldn’t decide which one was best, plus I needed netting and wasn’t sure which kind. I almost told him, “Never mind; I’ll run out later and get it.” I wasn’t trusting that what we’ll get is fine, and we’ll work with it. Instead I was thinking I needed to physically go there to pick it out. I quickly caught myself, and chose to receive the help, letting it be enough so I can move on with my priorities.

These three things can catapult you into action, and give you the space and ease you need to feel productive and less stressed.

Here’s the thing. We, particularly as women, are often the bus drivers in our home. We drive the bus. We’re responsible to maintain the bus with gas, oil, repairs, etc. We create the bus schedule, and we make sure all the riders get where they need to go, on time, and they have what they need upon arrival to their destination. That’s a lot to hold, and often we fall off our own schedule.

Today, when mental overwhelm takes over, try these three things of #1, starting one thing, #2, asking for help and #3, receiving the help. If you’re like me, your list is longer than you can do in a physical day, yet your Superwoman cape is probably pressed and ready to go! 🙂 Use this as an invitation to start something, drop the cape, and ask for (and receive) help. You’ll be surprised at what can happen.

A 4th bonus step is to find the gold in the event that has you spinning into overwhelm. My gold nugget from the yard sale yesterday was meeting a tow truck driver who offered to look at my 20 year old car that runs awesome, but needs an AC unit. After looking at it, he told me it looks like an easy fix, (where my mechanic told me it wasn’t worth fixing), it shouldn’t cost much, and he referred me to guy that’s local! Gold! ♥

How about you? What’s one thing you’re going to do this week after reading this? How are you going to use your spiral to inspire you, instead of sabotage you?

Tell me below or get in touch here.

Until next time, my friend, put a practice in place that allows you to push that overwhelm to the curb and just start what you don’t want to start.

x’s and o’s,

Chris

If you’re not on my list to receive resources on living a simpler life and want to be, please click here. If you’ve already joined, thanks so much for the support!

P.S. Sharing is Caring – if you know someone who would benefit from reading this, please share!

By Christine Gipple|2018-05-07T01:12:48-04:00May 6th, 2018|Uncategorized|0 Comments

What’s your New Year’s Eve Ritual? Instead of [Resolutions], try this!

The past few days, I’ve been thinking about how we can enhance our family’s “reflection rituals” for New Year’s Eve. In the past, we’ve done vision boards at our dining room table, each equipped with magazines, poster board, scissors and glue. We play music we love, we chat, and we enjoy the creation process. Additions for this year are: reading through all the messages of thanks from 2017 from our gratitude jar (shown below), and answering a new series of questions I created as we exit 2017 and welcome in 2018’s peaceful energy.

If you’re tired of making resolutions and not following through, join me in reflective ritual by asking yourself the questions below. (If you need to pull your 2017 calendar off your wall, or look in your phone’s calendar to recall how you spent your time, by all means, do it!) Pour a cup of tea, light some candles, put on some quiet music and enter 2018 with awareness around our choices. (Here’s just one of my favorite CD’s for reflection): The Essential Snatam Kaur: Sacred Chants.

Grab a journal, or some paper and answer these reflective questions:

What worked in 2017? What didn’t? Make a list.
What do you want more of in 2018? What do you want less of? Make a list.
What activities did you do, what actions did you take, or what choices did you make that drained you, leaving you feeling depleted? Write them down.
Which activities or actions lit you up, excited you, leaving you feeling inspired, motivated and unstoppable?
Looking at your list for what excited you, what’s the common theme or feeling that’s present? Next to each activity, just make a note of the feeling that was present from doing that activity. Was it happiness? Confidence? Freedom? Look for the most common theme for 2017. Choose the feeling that’s the strongest from your list. This is what you want to create more of in 2018.
Knowing that in order to feel those feelings, there’s likely an action you’ll need to take or a structure you’ll need in place in order to feel inspired and create change. What’s one thing you could do this week, and potentially continue, so you could feel those feelings now, instead of in the future?
Lastly, what kind of support do you need in place to accomplish this? Is there something you need to let go of? Something you need to add? Someone you need to help hold you accountable?

My hope is these questions bring you closer to your dreams for 2018! If you’d like a list of feelings to help you tap into your desires, you can find that here. If you liked this exercise and would like some deeper introspection, I’ve included a PDF of Debbie Ford’s, “A New Year’s Ritual here.

Like this post and want to see more like it? You can follow my blog and receive my newsletter by clicking here.

I’d love to hear if this helped you. What did you love? What did you resist? What are you creating more of (or taking away) as a result of doing this exercise?

Sending you wishes for a powerful and healthy 2018!

Chris

By Christine Gipple|2018-01-07T01:46:11-05:00December 31st, 2017|Uncategorized|0 Comments