Crave Less (when the default is to accumulate more)

The older I get, the more space I crave.

Space to think, to be, to breathe, to process, to simply exist.

Yet, it’s a theme for me to continually hear myself say, “I want less.” “I need less.” Still.

My old pattern is to do more, achieve more, and to move at lightning speed. Even if my body doesn’t move at lightning speed, my mind typically does. I plan, arrange, organize, and categorize ideas and tasks in my mind before I even get out of bed!

Craving less means I consciously choose less clutter around me, less food in my body, less commitments in my calendar, and less (aka no) toxicity in relationships. In exchange, I’m more connected to what matters most, and I make mindful choices about what I DO want.

Back in the 90’s, my husband and I rented our first vacation spot in the Pocono Mountains: a raised rancher with a sun-room, floor-to-ceiling windows framed in oak, ceramic floors, and completely surrounded by trees. I felt nurtured, connected to myself, and could have stayed there the entire time and been content.

Our “thing” back then was to shop. We had a saying that my husband would “Shop until I dropped.” Even then, I wasn’t into the consumption scene. But I did it because it was part of “our vacation” and something he loved to do. I also felt the instant gratification that came from our purchases, which was another theme for me. I’d run on the high that came from accumulation of things –in the moment. Only to realize later, it was an unconscious pattern to distract, rather than a conscious choice to consume.

Most of those purchases have since been sold at yard sales or given away. Though we did keep a few choice favorites, like this painting below. It depicts a woman sitting solo in meditation, silhouetted in gold, and still brings me peace and a reminder to ground from within.

As I started to crave less, I simultaneously wanted less inner-clutter. I spent a few decades exploring and befriending old beliefs, habits, and patterns that were ingrained in me from childhood. I replaced them with a mindset that focused on my core values and emotions and then took action on the things that I “said” I wanted.

Because here’s the thing. We might say we want something but then find ourselves taking actions that are in direct opposition to the things we say we want. A simple example might be saying you want to exercise, but you find yourself watching Netflix instead of creating space in your calendar to work out. This can happen because of unconscious programming that we’re not even aware of.

Here’s some benefits of Craving Less…

By craving less, I have more:

  • Space for experiences that fill me up, like yoga, meditation, learning, walking, being in nature, writing, reading and nurturing meaningful connections.
  • Flexibility to choose who I work with and when because I’ve eliminated the things that don’t work.
  • Gratitude for the things and relationships I do have vs. what focusing on what others have.
  • Capacity to live with less in some areas because of opportunities that arise in other areas.
  • Energy to keep going when things feel challenging because I’ve removed distractions (physical or emotional)!
  • Money in my pocket because I’m more deliberate and mindful of every choice I make.

And I’m acutely aware that these are choices I make from a place of privilege. Privilege and long, hard work to get to this point in my life.

I’m deeply impacted by my physical and emotional environment, so it’s critical to my mental well-being to keep things simple.

In essence, I need 3 things: Order, Ease and Simplicity. When I have order, I feel ease, and when I feel ease, my life feels simple. Simplicity brings me into balance and alignment with my truest self. The way for me to get here is to consistently assess and release what no longer serves as I evolve and grow.

This goes for my home, my car, my office, my relationships and my calendar. When I’m over-cluttered and over-committed, it’s challenging to make conscious choices because I don’t have clarity.

Most of the clients I work with are similar. Even if they say they love having a lot of stuff around them, or, “They are OK with the status quo”, there’s often a delightful exhale that happens when they remove the outdated excess in their life. This includes habits, patterns, beliefs, jobs, homes, and even relationships that no longer feel balanced or reciprocal.

Today is Feb 18th, 2025 and I’m curious, What are you craving today? What do you crave less of? What do you crave more of? Is there anything you told yourself you’d start or do, but you haven’t yet begun?

Before you click away, think about what it might feel like to achieve the thing you say you want? Imagine that you’ve started…how do you feel?

Just marinate in that feeling because that feeling just may be the catalyst that supports you to take the action you need to make it happen.

Interested in exploring this together, or just want to connect and say hello, simply reply here. I’d love to hear from you!

By |2025-02-18T22:40:24-05:00February 18th, 2025|Uncategorized|0 Comments

Year in Review -13 Reflective Questions to set the tone for 2025

One of my family’s daily rituals is to check in by sharing our highs, lows, what we feel, what we need or want, and something we learned that day. This allows us to connect with each other, and brings awareness to what was most significant for us.

At the end of the year, we expand on that and reflect on what worked, what didn’t, what we want more of, less of, and what has to go in the coming year. This year, I added a few more prompts and I’m sharing those below.

The prompts are intended to invite deeper awareness so you can eliminate the things that drain you, and instead, focus on things you value most and what energizes you. You get to choose where you spend your precious time and energy. And only you can decide what stays and what goes.

On a call the other day, I was sharing this list of questions, and heard myself say that I wanted to think about what “gets my all” this year. Keep that in mind as you answer the questions about what gets your “all” this year.

There are 13 prompts to reflect on. I prefer handwriting my answers, but you can do whatever works for you. My daughter wrote her answers directly into her laptop when our family did this practice together on New Year’s Eve.

The practice:

  • Grab a journal and a pen. Make yourself a cup of tea, coffee, or whatever you prefer. Put on your favorite music and comfy clothes and settle in to spend some time with yourself.
  • If you want to invite others to do this with you, go for it!
  • My family and I do this silently together, (meaning we don’t talk while doing it) with music in the background. Once we’re all complete, we take one prompt at a time and share our answers aloud with each other. It’s voluntary and connecting. Often, when one of us shares, another has some kind of realization around something they haven’t thought of for themselves.
  • This practice invites deeper self-connection and reflection. It allows us to ponder where we’ve been, what we’ve accomplished, and allows us to touch on what we still long for. It also illuminates where we can be more conscious of how we’re using our precious time and energy as we move into the coming year. And within each moment.
  • Because all we really have is this moment.

The timing:

  • I like to do it until I feel complete, but if you prefer to use a timer, set it for 20-30 mins. If you want more time, just extend the timer. I enjoy flexibility so if I need more hot water and lemon, I get up to get it. Or if I must use the bathroom, I go. I also want space to explore what comes up in the moment without the pressure of time. So, for me, not using a timer allows me to stay more connected to my mind and body.

The prompts:

  1. What are your biggest celebrations this past year? What are you most excited about that you started, completed, or let go of?
  2. What’s your favorite memory from this past year? (can you connect to core values or needs it met?)
  3. What still feels unfinished, and what are you still craving?
  4. Where do you feel the weight of something you’re carrying — like anxiety, blame, the belief that you’re not good enough, obligations to others that you’ve outgrown, etc.?  Think about what keeps you up at night.
  5. Imagine you were ready to let the weight of what you’re carrying go. If you were ready, what’s the first thing you’d do?
  6. What is the biggest hurdle you overcame this year? Or put another way, What did you accomplish this year that you didn’t think you could? What parts of you did you need to access to achieve what you wanted? (tenacity, courage, intentionality, etc.).
  7. What’s the best decision you made this year?
  8. What’s the biggest lesson you learned?
  9. What happened that you didn’t expect?
  10. What was your biggest disappointment or mourning?
  11. What’s something you integrated into your daily life that has kept you sane for this past year?
  12. What’s your biggest gratitude?
  13. What’s something you’d like to “give your all” to in the coming year?

As we move into 2025, let’s take up space together. Let’s allow ourselves to dream, imagine, think bigger than we think we can achieve, and just do the things we think we can’t.

Courage is doing what I think I can’t.

When mind chatter stops you from taking action, or reminds you how you didn’t quite measure up, gently turn DOWN the voice of your inner critic. Instead, remember your answers to these prompts, and turn UP the voice of your wise inner self and follow the passions and desires that light you up.

Here’s to living our lives focused on what matters most – in 2025 and beyond.

Interested in exploring coaching or just getting connected, simply send an email here!

By |2025-02-18T13:09:06-05:00January 7th, 2025|Uncategorized|0 Comments

Fall into Connection – with YOURSELF! Two Upcoming Classes

Fall is my favorite season ever – I LOVE this time of year! Even though Fall is what has kept me in Jersey, Winter makes me want to leave. But, we’re not there just yet…

I took a few pictures of the fall foliage today, so I’m sharing here.  No filter. Just my phone.   I breathe easier just looking at these!

Fall invites us to slow down and pay attention to our inner nudges. It invites us to listen to those quiet whispers before they turn to screams.

If you have a self-reflection or self-connection practice, you know what I mean. When we slow down enough, we can actually hear what matters to us.

So, I thought I’d also share a couple intimate online events that I’ll be doing in the next few weeks – both of which foster deeper self-connection. ♥

  • The first event is happening THIS Friday, October 28th, (2022) from 1pm-3:30pm ET.  A small group of us (around 15-20 people max) will play connecting games to support us in saying what we mean. We’ll also show you how to get to the heart of what matters, and how to avoid circular conversations that can send us over our edge. You can learn more and register for the GROK party event here.

Past participants have found these parties extremely connecting and they keep coming back for more!

  • Which brings me to the second event – The “After GROK party”, taking place on Thursday, Nov 10th (2022) from 11am-12pm ET  Some of you have asked, “what comes next?” after attending the initial GROK party, and this is it!  You can learn more and register for the After Grok Party here.
  • The After Grok Party is likely to be a smaller, more intimate group.
  • (**Note**To attend the After Grok Party, please make sure you’ve either attended a GROK party before, or that you have a working knowledge of nonviolent communication before registering for the event.)
  • In both events, you’ll be supported in a safe environment to receive/give empathy and to experience connection and fun!
  • The Zoom link will be provided once you register.

You’ll want to have GROK cards available for our call. While not mandatory, having the physical cards creates more ease in following along. If you need cards and you’re local to me, please email me (I have some on hand). Otherwise, this link will connect you directly with Claire Schwartz who will get them shipped out to you!

Action Challenge:

Drop me a line and share what’s ONE thing you’re eager to let go of in 2022, and what’s ONE thing you’re excited to bring in for 2023?  These can be people, things, beliefs, habits, routines, etc. It’s YOUR choice. Sometimes the act of writing them down or sharing them with someone assists in making them happen, so do share!

 

 

 

By |2022-10-26T00:09:32-04:00October 25th, 2022|Uncategorized|0 Comments

Change Your Closet, Change Your Life. A TEDx Talk to Share

I’m so excited to share this TEDx talk I found on YouTube:  Change Your Closet, Change Your Life. 

In the video below, Gillian Dunn talks about her own wake-up call when she went into her closet to get a candle that she was saving for a special occasion, only to find a big ball of blue wax inside the box.  The candle had done exactly what it was supposed to do – melt – but it did it without her.  This spurred an inner exploration that changed her life.

This video had me reflecting on how we live our lives in our own self-imposed chains. 

These chains show up as limiting beliefs, excuses, fear, worry and doubt.  These chains stop us from living the life we say we want.  We find ourselves saying, “I’ll do it when…. ____.” and “Someday I’ll …____.  Fill in your blank.  We need to consciously shift our mindset and behaviors if we want to truly change.

 

Change is messy, and not always easy.

The next morning after watching the video, I leapt out of bed to start my day. During the elimination process, my 15-year-old daughter asked me why she’d never seen all these ‘fashionable’ things! She started trying them on, claiming them for her own. 😉 In the end, I donated two large bags to my favorite non-profit, and it was just the catapult I needed to re-fuel my desire to live with less.

Here’s what I want you to do:  Take the next 15 minutes (and 37 seconds) to watch this Video, and then come back and answer this question: 

What’s one thing you’re willing to commit to this week to allow yourself to step into the life you want to live?

Maybe you’re willing to….

  • Have that ‘hard’ conversation that’s been lurking over you.
  • Clear your closet of items that don’t fit (to make room for things that do).
  • Use your “good dishes” or wear your “nice clothes.”
  • Donate your excess belongings to someone in need.
  • Express your needs to someone in a loving, compassionate way.
  • Set a boundary with yourself around what you’ll no longer tolerate.

No more putting things off until “Someday.”

Life is far too short to leave our most cherished belongings tucked away in a box, or our dreams hidden in the back of our minds.

Looking for a great cause to donate to?   Here’s a non-profit I LOVE:  Katelyn started this non-profit when she was just 12 years old after being on the receiving end of an outpouring of support when her family needed it.  Now, more than a decade later, The Angels Community Outreach supports thousands.   They’re located in Pitman NJ, you can contact them here.

 

By |2022-01-30T21:44:37-05:00January 30th, 2022|Uncategorized|2 Comments

3 Tips to Keep Your Boundaries in Check

Setting Boundaries can be uncomfortable.  But not setting them can create havoc.

Hold onto your Boundaries because 2022 is Yang Tiger Water Energy!

My friend, Karen Alber Carrasco, wrote this great article and I had to share it!  It’s called, 2022 Tiger Wave: Surfing with the Yang Water Tiger. What struck me was the importance of keeping our boundaries in place, especially after the past two years of up-leveling our lives as we created, and re-created, ourselves to be in alignment with our values.

The past two years were ruled by the metal element, and metal represents details, the fine print, analysis of what is working, and what isn’t. Think of really getting inside the box and critiquing every detail.  That requires metal energy.

This year’s element is water. And with water, things can become dark and murky, confusing, or uncertain. Think about decisions you made when you weren’t clear, when your choices weren’t an absolute yes.  I imagine those particular choices might have brought about an unwanted result.  Yes?

That’s why being clear on our boundaries becomes critical.  The thing is, a lot of us may not even know what our boundaries are, let alone being able to hold them in place.

3 Tips to Keep Your Boundaries In Check:

  • First, Have a self-honoring practice or ritual in place – this is for you and only you.  Whether it’s meditating, writing, exercising, knitting, taking a hot bath once a week, etc. Find what connects you to you.
    • When you take the time to self-connect, your choices will be in alignment with what feels true and right for you, in each moment.
  • Second, before making a choice – any choice – check in with yourself and ask yourself these questions:  
    • What do I want? 
    • What do I need?  
    • How do I feel? 
    • What do I think? 
    • Because when we are coming from a place of knowing how we feel, and what we need, we are more likely to have our needs met, which allows us to make clear requests of someone else.   Its when we haven’t taken the time to figure out what we want and need that things get murky.
    • And this year’s Yang Tiger Water energy will be powerful and passionate, and has the potential to uproot us if we’re not firmly planted in our own boundary foundation.
  • Third, and this might be hard to hear, but I’m going to invite you to embrace being ‘selfish.’  I know selfish gets a bad wrap because of old programming of what not to be.  However, when we put everyone else’s needs before our own, we swing to the other side of the pendulum to self-less, and end up feeling obligated and resentful.  This reminds me of Marshall Rosenberg’s poem, The Hungry Duck, where the intention is strive to give from a place of willingness, vs. obligation.


As the first month of 2022 is almost behind us, and this new water energy is upon us, I encourage you to pay attention to your needs, your wants, your desires, and make sure you feet are planted firmly in your own personal boundaries.

Have a question or comment?   Reach out to me here.

You can find upcoming events here.  There are only a few spots left for the Feb 5th Grok Party, where we play games with Grok Cards to connect more deeply to our own emotions and needs.   And, registration for my group boundary coaching program will be opening soon.  🙂

Wishing you clarity and courage to choose YOU!

Love,
Chris

If you know of someone that would appreciate this newsletter, please share it with them. 🙂

By |2022-01-28T13:52:12-05:00January 28th, 2022|Uncategorized|0 Comments

What’s your New Year’s Eve Ritual? Instead of [Resolutions], try this!

The past few days, I’ve been thinking about how we can enhance our family’s “reflection rituals” for New Year’s Eve.  In the past, we’ve done vision boards at our dining room table, each equipped with magazines, poster board, scissors and glue. We play music we love, we chat, and we enjoy the creation process.  Additions for this year are:  reading through all the messages of thanks from 2017 from our gratitude jar (shown below), and answering a new series of questions I created as we exit 2017 and welcome in 2018’s peaceful energy.

If you’re tired of making resolutions and not following through, join me in reflective ritual by asking yourself the questions below. (If you need to pull your 2017 calendar off your wall, or look in your phone’s calendar to recall how you spent your time, by all means, do it!)  Pour a cup of tea, light some candles, put on some quiet music and enter 2018 with awareness around our choices.  (Here’s just one of my favorite CD’s for reflection):  The Essential Snatam Kaur: Sacred Chants.

Grab a journal, or some paper and answer these reflective questions:

  1. What worked in 2017? What didn’t?  Make a list.
  2. What do you want more of in 2018? What do you want less of?  Make a list.
  3. What activities did you do, what actions did you take, or what choices did you make that drained you, leaving you feeling depleted?   Write them down.
  4. Which activities or actions lit you up, excited you, leaving you feeling inspired, motivated and unstoppable?
  5. Looking at your list for what excited you, what’s the common theme or feeling that’s present?  Next to each activity, just make a note of the feeling that was present from doing that activity.  Was it happiness? Confidence? Freedom?  Look for the most common theme for 2017.  Choose the feeling that’s the strongest from your list. This is what you want to create more of in 2018.
  6. Knowing that in order to feel those feelings, there’s likely an action you’ll need to take or a structure you’ll need in place in order to feel inspired and create change.  What’s one thing you could do this week, and potentially continue, so you could feel those feelings now, instead of in the future?
  7. Lastly, what kind of support do you need in place to accomplish this? Is there something you need to let go of?  Something you need to add?  Someone you need to help hold you accountable?

My hope is these questions bring you closer to your dreams for 2018!   If you’d like a list of feelings to help you tap into your desires, you can find that hereIf you liked this exercise and would like some deeper introspection, I’ve included a PDF of Debbie Ford’s, “A New Year’s Ritual here.

Like this post and want to see more like it?    You can follow my blog and receive my newsletter by clicking here.

I’d love to hear if this helped you.  What did you love?  What did you resist?  What are you creating more of (or taking away) as a result of doing this exercise?

Sending you wishes for a powerful and healthy 2018!

Chris

xo

By |2018-01-07T01:46:11-05:00December 31st, 2017|Uncategorized|0 Comments

Feelings & Needs, Part II – What’s driving your behavior?

How do you help someone when they’re out of touch with their own needs?

What if it’s your child, and they’re laying on the floor, with tears running down their face, and they’re so overwhelmed they can’t tell you what they need?  Like it was for my daughter last weekend.  How do you invite connection, intimacy and interaction?

As a parent to a highly sensitive child, it’s been a delicate dance of knowing when to ask questions, when to give space, and when to hold space.   I know for me, when my daughter starts to get overwhelmed, I need to start looking at where I am. What am I feeling, what am I needing?  How am I contributing to her own stress levels, if at all?

This where self-empathy comes in.   In order to tune in to the needs of someone else, we have to do self-connection first. 

When we’re meeting our own needs, we increase the capacity to hear others’ needs.  I admit, it’s not always easy to pause, especially if we’re feeling stressed out, have too much on our plates, or are running on little sleep.  Combine those factors with a highly sensitive person (HSP), and you have a recipe for disconnect and discord.

As I mentioned last week in Feelings and Needs, Part I, in our family dynamic, peaceful resolution to conflict is always the goal.  Hearing the needs of everyone in the house is a priority. It’s our way of being.   When I was growing up, the mindset of my parents was the kids were to be seen and not heard.  We did what we were told, without invitation for conversation or discussion.   Needs or Feelings weren’t considered, and I almost laugh when I think about what would’ve happened if I’d tried to express back then.  I heard, “Do as I say, not as I do” more times than I can count.  The silent message was, “Your needs don’t matter.  Be quiet.  Do what you’re told. Don’t ask questions, and if you have an opinion, keep it to yourself – you’re just a kid –  I’M the parent.”

If you look at the logic of that, it doesn’t really make sense.  When you think of a kid speaking their mind, what do you think of?   I hear the saying, “Out of the mouths of babes…” – in other words, kids are uncensored, honest.  They don’t filter what they say or how, and often they have incredible insight and wisdom. That’s a gift.

Consider this:  When a need is met, it goes away.

When we can truly hear a person and connect to what’s going on for them, that’s often what they desire most – to be heard, to feel valued, to be seen.   So when you consider the concept that all behavior is an attempt to fulfill a need, it makes sense to find the need under the behavior.  Whether your child is curled up in a ball crying, or someone’s lashing out, screaming, or hurling things across the room, there’s a need underneath the behavior.   Looking past the behavior to understand what’s driving it is key.  That’s where the truth is. And where there’s truth, we can be vulnerable, connected, and move on.

However you’re celebrating this season, if you’re feeling obligated, stressed out, or like you can’t give anymore, press your own “Pause” button.   Close your eyes.  Take a breath.  And ask yourself, “What do I most need?”  If you can’t name the need, ask yourself, “What am I feeling?”  And work your way to the need that’s driving your behavior.  Find your way to your own truth.

The best gift you can give is your presence.   You’ll feel happier, lighter, and so will the people around you.

Like this post and want to see more like it?    Click here to follow my blog and receive my newsletter.  🙂

Much love and Merry Christmas,

Chris

xo

 

By |2018-01-07T01:50:02-05:00December 25th, 2017|Uncategorized|0 Comments
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