energy Archives - Life Coaching by Christine Gipple

Pretending, Avoidance & Addiction – 5 Questions to Navigate Change

It’s 2005. I’m sitting in circle with 15 women and the discussion is being led my long term mentor, Cheryl Richardson, who asks the question, “What are you pretending?” Each woman answers in turn. When it comes to me, my answer surprises me. I respond with, “I’m pretending that my life is OK when it isn’t.” Thirteen years and a 12-year old daughter later, my answer is similar. This time though, there’s a slight but significant variation with my response. This time, I’m not hiding in my discontent. This time I’m not hoping things around me will change. This time, I’m changing me.

Getting Unstuck…

How many times do you stay stuck in situations you don’t love? You tolerate them; you pray; you wish for the people or the situation to change; you hope someone will see your perspective; or you hope the other person will “step-up” to communicate with you in a way that fills your need for connection and attention. Then, when none of this happens, you stay in the same spiral of disconnect within yourself, ruminating over details and data, living in the same circumstances, wearing a façade of acceptance. Pretending.

When we choose to stay, in anything that’s less than what we desire or require, we must ask ourselves what we’re getting by not making the changes we know we need to make. We must acknowledge that we’re getting something or we wouldn’t do it. Some need is being met, some benefit is coming from our action or we wouldn’t continue with the same pattern or behavior.

So what are you getting by not changing what you know you need to change?

Do you get to avoid discomfort? Do you avoid exposure of a truth that’s too embarrassing for you, or that you think is too upsetting for others to hear? Or maybe you get to tell yourself, it’s for “the kids?” Let me clue you in. The kids know what’s going on anyway. You’re not sparing them any pain by staying in a situation you’d rather not be in. They see the upset, the disconnection, the hugs that aren’t happening, the conversations being avoided, the looks not being exchanged. Even if they’re little, they sense it energetically.

Perhaps you get to stay on auto-pilot. You get to do what’s familiar. You get to stay in your routines and habits which feels safer and more secure than changing. You get to avoid feeling pain. You get to numb out. You get to say you “have to” do whatever it is, and you continue to not think, not feel, not process what’s really happening around you. Maybe you get to not have to do the work in your relationships. Or maybe you get to hide in your addictions.

Addictions

Addictions show up in all of us, not just in those drawn to alcohol or drugs. We are addicted to alcohol, books, clutter, computer games, drugs, education, exercise, food, learning, Netflix, people, porn, sex, shopping, strategies, work, or even the recovery process. Our addictions allow us to numb out and avoid the pain we don’t want to feel.

The strategy is avoidance. The payoff is we get temporary relief by avoiding the pain of change.

What’s the cost of avoiding making the changes you need to make?

Costs of our Avoidance

Maybe it’s disconnection to those you really care about, drama, emotional pain and turmoil, physical pain in your body like arthritis, auto-immune disorders, colds, migraines, cancer or any multitude of other manifestations. Whether it’s ruminating negative thoughts that dominate your choices and behaviors, one thing is certain. We can be sure that our bodies will detox pain however they can. They’ll take us out when we need to reset – I’ve learned this first hand more than once. In physical form, unprocessed pain might come out as disease. Emotionally, unprocessed pain is likely to come out sideways through our toxic behaviors and patterns having the potential to destroy relationships. The question becomes, what are you willing to do about it?

Pain…

Here’s the deal. We all feel pain. We all feel sadness and despair at some point in our lives. No one is spared from pain or change.. Change is the one constant we can depend on.

Change can feel hard and scary and messy.

Change brings up anger, discomfort, discord, fear, resentment, and vulnerability. Even if you like change, it’s still awkward, especially when we don’t know what’s on the other side.

While I love ritual and routine, I also love freedom and spontaneity, so at times I feel in conflict with my own needs. In the past I’ve seen myself pass by opportunities out of fear, and I’ve jumped impulsively into a heartfelt YES without knowing where it was taking me. I’ve experienced situations where anything was better than were I was, so I jumped into the unknown trusting I’d be held in the uncertainty.

Life can be feel hard and impossible sometimes. These past few months, I’ve learned when I show up as vulnerable and real, unseen doors open that allow more growth and more healing. I’m learning to trust myself and speak my truths, even if it means people might leave, or not like me, and even if my words might land in someone else in a way I didn’t intend. How my words land isn’t my responsibility, how I deliver them is. I can only control my presence in which I offer myself.

You might be surprised at how others show up FOR you when you show up AS YOU.

My invitation to you is this: Stop pretending your life is ok if it isn’t. Speak your truth. Say what you feel. Ask for what you need. Take off your mask.

Action Challenge:

This week, take 5 minutes to close your eyes and ask yourself these five (5) questions.

Where are you hiding?
What are you pretending?
What’s one change you’d like to have made 3 months from now?
What’s one doable, small, achievable and realistic thing you can do this week, to take a step toward that change?
Are you willing to make this commitment to yourself? If so, when?

Did you like this article and challenge? Let me know what shifted as a result of this challenge or even just from reading this article. I love hearing from you. Email me here, or leave a message in the comments below.

Sending you so much love…

xo

Chris

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By Christine Gipple|2018-12-15T22:55:03-05:00December 15th, 2018|Uncategorized|3 Comments

Avoiding the spiral of mental chatter ♥

We did a street-long yard sale yesterday, and after the sale I noticed myself engaging in mental chatter about lost time. I spent time prepping for it, organizing it, physically being at the sale, then packing up the remainders for the various charities that will receive them. Then this morning, I woke with similar thoughts on how this sale took time away from other things that needed to happen, but thankfully, I shifted quickly.

Truth is, yes, it did take time, and, the items are gone, which was my goal. Our intentions were to make this our last sale, to have fun with family and neighbors, and to let my daughter have a lemonade stand with her friend. We released unneeded belongings, and created space for things and activities we do want!

So if my goals were met, why the constant inner banter about what I could’ve been doing instead of the sale? Because my to-do list is reallllly long and my mind chatter never stops. I desire order, ease, and simplicity. Letting go brings me these things, and it also takes work for me to get them. As much as I love to feel at ease, to have order, and for life to be simple, I need the structures in place to have those things. I also need good boundaries around my time.

How about you? Does your mental to-do list overwhelm you and stop you from achieving what you say you want to do? How do you move forward when mental chatter is in overdrive?

Here’s 3 things to do when mental chatter is spinning you into overwhelm.

#1 Start…Something. Pick one thing and just start. It doesn’t have to be perfect, and it mostly won’t be, but the act of movement will motivate you to keep going. This morning, I considered my mental list, wrote out all that I wanted to get done, then narrowed it down to what was most important, and what would feel most productive by simply being started. I slotted myself a specific amount of time and when that time was up, I stopped and moved on with my day. I’m putting time and attention to my priorities, which feels gratifying, energizing, and productive.

#2 Ask for help. I woke this morning mentally listing out all that needs to happen today, and the reality is my husband will be gone all afternoon, so it’s all on me. In order for me to accomplish everything we need to make our home happy today and this week, I need help. So I asked.

#3 Receive the help. This may sound silly and obvious, but sometimes we can ask for the help, then when it comes, we find we’re still doing all the work anyway. Give up the need for things to be perfect, and allow the support to be there for you. Example: My husband was grabbing some raised beds from Home Depot for me while I worked this morning. He texted me photos with questions, and I couldn’t decide which one was best, plus I needed netting and wasn’t sure which kind. I almost told him, “Never mind; I’ll run out later and get it.” I wasn’t trusting that what we’ll get is fine, and we’ll work with it. Instead I was thinking I needed to physically go there to pick it out. I quickly caught myself, and chose to receive the help, letting it be enough so I can move on with my priorities.

These three things can catapult you into action, and give you the space and ease you need to feel productive and less stressed.

Here’s the thing. We, particularly as women, are often the bus drivers in our home. We drive the bus. We’re responsible to maintain the bus with gas, oil, repairs, etc. We create the bus schedule, and we make sure all the riders get where they need to go, on time, and they have what they need upon arrival to their destination. That’s a lot to hold, and often we fall off our own schedule.

Today, when mental overwhelm takes over, try these three things of #1, starting one thing, #2, asking for help and #3, receiving the help. If you’re like me, your list is longer than you can do in a physical day, yet your Superwoman cape is probably pressed and ready to go! 🙂 Use this as an invitation to start something, drop the cape, and ask for (and receive) help. You’ll be surprised at what can happen.

A 4th bonus step is to find the gold in the event that has you spinning into overwhelm. My gold nugget from the yard sale yesterday was meeting a tow truck driver who offered to look at my 20 year old car that runs awesome, but needs an AC unit. After looking at it, he told me it looks like an easy fix, (where my mechanic told me it wasn’t worth fixing), it shouldn’t cost much, and he referred me to guy that’s local! Gold! ♥

How about you? What’s one thing you’re going to do this week after reading this? How are you going to use your spiral to inspire you, instead of sabotage you?

Tell me below or get in touch here.

Until next time, my friend, put a practice in place that allows you to push that overwhelm to the curb and just start what you don’t want to start.

x’s and o’s,

Chris

If you’re not on my list to receive resources on living a simpler life and want to be, please click here. If you’ve already joined, thanks so much for the support!

P.S. Sharing is Caring – if you know someone who would benefit from reading this, please share!

By Christine Gipple|2018-05-07T01:12:48-04:00May 6th, 2018|Uncategorized|0 Comments

If you’re home was alive, what would it tell you?

If your home could speak to you, what would it say? If your belongings could speak to you, what messages and words would you hear?

In Feng Shui, there are three main tenets:

Everything is alive
Everything has energy
Everything is always changing.

In keeping with this principle, ask yourself, what’s your stuff saying about you, and to you? Is what you’re keeping holding you hostage to old beliefs and patterns, or is it supporting you to take you to your next level.

In my last blog, I talked about ways to release clutter so it doesn’t come back. In this blog, I invite you to look at your home as an extension of you.

Your Home as an Extension of YOU…

Your home is simply an outer reflection of what’s going on inside you. Further, we’re always matched energetically with our homes. Meaning, on a vibrational level, we draw to us the very homes we need to grow and expand. Whether it’s the layout of the land, the numerology of the home, or the history of the previous tenants that align with our life circumstance, we’re always attracting what we’re energetically matched to or aligned with.

Consider this quote: “Our consciousness is reflected in our environment, and our environment reflects our consciousness.” In other words, what we believe inside, we create outside. And what we surround ourselves with outside, affects us internally.

What we keep matters.

Imagine that each item you own could talk to you, what would your belongings say? Would they want to be loved, respected, given a place to live? Would they want you toss them or pass them on to some other owner?

Challenge this week:

This week, when you walk into a room of your home, notice, does your energy go up? Or does it go down? When you pick up your belongings, what feelings come up inside you? Are you inspired, or are you drained? Become the observer of how you’re affected in each area of your home. Be discerning. If something drains you, let it go! Give yourself permission to pass it on. Yes, even that ceramic dog your Aunt Susie gave you that you put out every time she comes, even though you hate it.

Lastly, I need your help! There’s a lot of noise on the internet, and I want to be sure you’re finding this information helpful. If you liked this info, please hop over to Facebook page or email me here, to tell me what you liked, and what you’d like to see more of. Just hit reply to this email! I’d love to hear your comments and feedback! If you know someone this could help, please share it. 🙂

Next week, I’ll share what each floor of our home represents on the spiritual level.

Like this info? Follow my blog here.

A blog about living deliberately, aligned to what matters most.

By Christine Gipple|2018-01-15T12:33:30-05:00January 15th, 2018|Uncategorized|0 Comments

[Cut the Cord to your CLUTTER] in these EASY steps! (+ Keep it from returning!)

You might be fed up, ready to toss your excess stuff (clutter), because you know how good it will feel to get it OUT of your house. The instant gratification game is seductive. Yes, you’ll feel lighter from the releasing. AND, there’s an excellent chance the clutter will come back if you’re not intentional and deliberate when you’re letting go.

Before you start decluttering, ask yourself, “What is it I want to create space for?” Why is this important? Because knowing what you do want offers clarity and insight around what to let go of. Sometimes we learn the hard way. Sometimes we keep things we don’t love, or keep things that drain us. We may do it unconsciously, unaware that what we keep around us will hold the actual circumstances of our lives in place. I know someone who keeps Christmas ornaments and photos of all their ex’s, yet longs to be in a new relationship. Every Christmas they put those same ornaments on their tree, then wonder why they’re depressed, and not in a new relationship. They haven’t asked this question about what they do want. They don’t see the connection between what they keep, and how that locks in what shows up in their life.

I’m not saying letting go is simple. There’s nothing simple about emotional attachment.

I am saying if you can be discerning about what comes into your home or office, you’ll create a space and life that is in complete alignment with what matters most to you. Does that make sense?

Once you’re clear on what you’re creating space for, as you start the de-clutter process, ask yourself the following questions:

Do I love it?
Do I need it?
Do I use it?
Does it add value to my life? If so, how?
Does it reflect who I am now, or who I want to be?

If any of these answers aren’t absolute yes, why are you keeping it? You really want to be clear here. If it doesn’t say who you are or who you want to be, it’s going to keep you stuck in a past you don’t want to be in.

What’s next? Think about one area of your home, or one section of a room that’s most bothersome to you. What most needs your attention? A drawer, closet, garage, basement, junk drawer in the bedroom? Pick one small area. Choose the amount of time you want to spend de-cluttering. If you’re doing an hour, set your timer for 30 minutes and when the timer goes off, use the remaining 30 minutes to clean up what you started so you feel complete. There’s more to letting go, but this is one simple place to start.

After you do this, hop over to my Facebook page or email me to tell me what worked, or what didn’t.

Finally, my next few posts will be a continuation of this letting go process. Follow my blog to continue the journey of letting go, while living deliberately aligned to what matters most to you. You can Join my community here.

For the love of letting go,

Chris

♥

By Christine Gipple|2018-01-21T18:12:23-05:00January 11th, 2018|Uncategorized|0 Comments

Feelings & Needs, Part II – What’s driving your behavior?

How do you help someone when they’re out of touch with their own needs?

What if it’s your child, and they’re laying on the floor, with tears running down their face, and they’re so overwhelmed they can’t tell you what they need? Like it was for my daughter last weekend. How do you invite connection, intimacy and interaction?

As a parent to a highly sensitive child, it’s been a delicate dance of knowing when to ask questions, when to give space, and when to hold space. I know for me, when my daughter starts to get overwhelmed, I need to start looking at where I am. What am I feeling, what am I needing? How am I contributing to her own stress levels, if at all?

This where self-empathy comes in. In order to tune in to the needs of someone else, we have to do self-connection first.

When we’re meeting our own needs, we increase the capacity to hear others’ needs. I admit, it’s not always easy to pause, especially if we’re feeling stressed out, have too much on our plates, or are running on little sleep. Combine those factors with a highly sensitive person (HSP), and you have a recipe for disconnect and discord.

As I mentioned last week in Feelings and Needs, Part I, in our family dynamic, peaceful resolution to conflict is always the goal. Hearing the needs of everyone in the house is a priority. It’s our way of being. When I was growing up, the mindset of my parents was the kids were to be seen and not heard. We did what we were told, without invitation for conversation or discussion. Needs or Feelings weren’t considered, and I almost laugh when I think about what would’ve happened if I’d tried to express back then. I heard, “Do as I say, not as I do” more times than I can count. The silent message was, “Your needs don’t matter. Be quiet. Do what you’re told. Don’t ask questions, and if you have an opinion, keep it to yourself – you’re just a kid – I’M the parent.”

If you look at the logic of that, it doesn’t really make sense. When you think of a kid speaking their mind, what do you think of? I hear the saying, “Out of the mouths of babes…” – in other words, kids are uncensored, honest. They don’t filter what they say or how, and often they have incredible insight and wisdom. That’s a gift.

Consider this: When a need is met, it goes away.

When we can truly hear a person and connect to what’s going on for them, that’s often what they desire most – to be heard, to feel valued, to be seen. So when you consider the concept that all behavior is an attempt to fulfill a need, it makes sense to find the need under the behavior. Whether your child is curled up in a ball crying, or someone’s lashing out, screaming, or hurling things across the room, there’s a need underneath the behavior. Looking past the behavior to understand what’s driving it is key. That’s where the truth is. And where there’s truth, we can be vulnerable, connected, and move on.

However you’re celebrating this season, if you’re feeling obligated, stressed out, or like you can’t give anymore, press your own “Pause” button. Close your eyes. Take a breath. And ask yourself, “What do I most need?” If you can’t name the need, ask yourself, “What am I feeling?” And work your way to the need that’s driving your behavior. Find your way to your own truth.

The best gift you can give is your presence. You’ll feel happier, lighter, and so will the people around you.

Like this post and want to see more like it? Click here to follow my blog and receive my newsletter. 🙂

Much love and Merry Christmas,

Chris

xo

By Christine Gipple|2018-01-07T01:50:02-05:00December 25th, 2017|Uncategorized|0 Comments

Feelings & Needs – Part I [PLUS: FREE RESOURCE]

What if I said it’s possible not only to get your needs met, but to also meet the needs and desires of those around you, without sacrificing your own values or desires? Would you think it’s possible? Would you want some insight as to how?

Here’s the thing. We all want connection. We all want to be heard, to feel valued, to know we matter, and be seen. The essence of Non-violent communication (NVC) is peaceful resolution to conflict. It’s understanding that we all have needs, and all human needs are universal.

FACT: Every action we take, and every choice we make is an attempt to fulfill a need.

Let me repeat that….. E V E R Y A C T I O N we take, and every choice we make is an attempt to meet a need.

So wouldn’t it make sense that in order to get our needs met, it’s essential to first name what they are? It sounds simple, but if you’re not accustomed to tuning in, to checking in with your body, with your emotions, with your own desires FIRST, it can feel impossible to name the actual need under your behavior or action. The link I’m sharing has 3 FREE lists: feelings, needs, and body sensations. It’s available for free download here. Once you click on the link, you can choose which list you want to download, or download all three. You can use these lists to help you connect to what’s going on inside you when you’re having difficulty naming the emotion or need. If you’d like to take it a step further, check out this feelings and needs card deck. When you click on the link, it’s the very first option shown. Consider these new tools for your Life Toolbox. (Disclaimer: I’m not an affiliate for NVC. While I do teach, live and practice this way of living, I’m simply sharing this resource. I was introduced to NVC more than a decade ago, and it was a game changer in the way our family interacted and how I approached life in general.)

WHEN we use the Feelings & Needs Card Deck:

When meltdowns feel imminent
If we miss the intuitive hits and meltdowns happen, these cards are a great way to connect from a place of love, of true desire to connect in a way that all needs are considered and valued.
As a way to connect to what’s going on inside you when you’re having difficulty naming the need
If one of us is feeling really off, tense, or irritable and unable to communicate.
Or if we desire deeper connection and want to enrich our experience with one another.

HOW we use the Feelings & Needs Card Deck:

We’ll simply lay out the cards, feelings first, and we’ll each pick our cards, in silence. When we have all our cards, we then remove that deck, and lay the other cards, the needs. We choose what’s most alive for us from this deck, again in silence, and then one person chooses to share first. While one person is sharing, we listen with silent empathy. We simply witness and listen to what’s being said. Note: This is just ONE way we use the cards, not “the only” way to use them. 😉 (Once, when I was overwhelmed with a lot of emotional attachment and charge, I used the cards to help me get clarity in writing someone a letter.)

If something is burning inside us and we’d like to respond, we ask permission. We don’t shout out our thoughts or project our reactions when someone else is sharing. We share with reflective listening.

Clarifying questions can be helpful to encourage someone to tune in deeper to what they need, but I encourage you to be clear of your intentions and agendas before asking questions. This isn’t for us to fix, diagnose, or decide for anyone else.

Are you thinking, “this is too much work!”?

I’ll admit that in the moment, it does take more time, energy, patience, and willingness. And…In the long run, it saves time, energy, patience and creates more willingness, because this practice of tuning in creates space for everyone to feel heard, which sometimes is all we need to be able to move forward in our day or life..

May you find peace, happiness, health and all of life’s blessings this holiday season.

With love,

Chris

P.S. If you’d like to follow my blog and receive my newsletter on simplifying, letting go and creating more ease, you can do that here .

By Christine Gipple|2018-01-07T01:57:48-05:00December 17th, 2017|Uncategorized|0 Comments

Minimalism, Simplicity + Letting Go of Perfectionism

As I make my way toward minimalism, I’m still surprised how resistance shows up so big for me. For years my mantra has been, “Order, Ease, & Simplicity”, and in that order. When I have order, it brings me ease, and when I have ease, my life is simple.

Sounds simple right? It can be. And yet, we complicate our lives more than we need to.

We hold on. We resist. We deny. We blame someone or something else so we don’t have to look at our own stuff, our own issues.

Because here’s the deal. Letting go isn’t about the thing, person, or situation we’re letting go of. It’s about the emotional attachment that the experience or memory has brought us –including difficult or negative memories.

Letting go is a process.

One of the most difficult things for me to let go of is books. Especially books that my daughter and I have read together. I can recall all our snuggles, cozying up for all our daily ritualistic reading times – wake-up reading, pre-nap reading, post-nap reading, bedtime reading, or just middle of the day reading. I can still hear her little voice bursting out when we’d get to a specific page, and I can hear my own inflections as I read certain books. I fantasize about reading those same books to her children when she’s older.

Maybe that will happen. Maybe not.

Life can change in a split second. We have little control over when we leave here or how. I mean, we do. And we don’t.

In an attempt to keep life simple, I started a book buying ban in August, and created a Little Free Library. I’ve wanted to create one of these libraries for years, and to keep me accountable with the lifestyle I want to live, the book ban felt necessary.

The perfectionist in me wants to tell you I have it all figured out, and I have this letting-go piece down. That I can live as a pure minimalist with only what I need. But that’s not true. I, too, am in process. I’m working my way there. I have my own demons, resistance and challenges, just like you.

What is true is this: I’ve learned to love and respect what I choose to keep. I’ve learned to only keep what I love. When adding something to my home or life, I’ve learned to ask myself if what I’m bringing in adds value, not just to my life, but to all of our lives that live in our home. As far as resistance, I’ve learned to do one thing – just one thing – instead of letting my mind spin out of control when I feel overwhelmed with too much stuff, too much to do, or too many obligations. I pause. I do one thing that I CAN do, then another, then another -not 10 things at once.

What matters is substance, connection, relating deeply to those I love. What I know for sure is clutter gets in the way. Mental, emotional, and physical clutter blocks us from the very thing we say we want. The funny thing about resistance is that it takes so much of our energy to resist, deny, not look at, or avoid something we need to do, or not do.

The truth is, if we channeled our energy into doing the very thing we’re resisting, we’d create more space, more openness, and more connection with ourselves, and those we love.

On this cold Sunday in December, after our first snowfall of the season, I’m going to honor my own resistance today and take control over what I can, which is planning my work week while my husband and daughter are enjoying some much needed daddy-daughter time. How about you? What’s one thing you can do today to honor yourself where you are?

Blessings to you!

xo

P.S. If you’d like to follow my blog and receive my newsletter on simplifying, letting go and creating more ease, you can do that here .

By Christine Gipple|2018-01-07T01:58:56-05:00December 10th, 2017|Uncategorized|0 Comments