empathy Archives - Page 2 of 2 - Life Coaching by Christine Gipple

When you don’t recognize yourself, it’s time for a [RESET]

Today, I had a brief, but intense conversation with someone, after which I found myself blurring around a wooded path like Jason Bourne on amphetamines. I’d crossed my own line, again.

After replaying the conversation in my head, I thought, “Who WAS that?”, and I was referring to myself. I made a request that immediately left me with regret, and in retrospect I knew if the same was asked of me, if I’d had the same information this person had at the time of my request, I may have responded with confusion too.

If communication feels confusing (or infuriating!) during this Mercury retrograde, I’m right there with you. Perhaps life feels like it’s unraveling, turning you upside down and you can’t seem to get a grip, or maybe you’ve left your house without your keys or something critical you needed, or you blew through a red light or turned the wrong way down a street you’re on every day. During this retrograde, take the time to slow down, give yourself the gift of breathing. Mercury is the planet that rules communication and when it’s retrograde, you can expect the unexpected.

I’ve made a whirlwind of choices and decisions this past month that left me second guessing, doubting myself, and not paying attention to my own needs, boundaries, and desires. I’ve been in reaction mode, and ignoring my intuition, not making conscious choices.

Today was my final catapult back to me, and to trusting myself. The retrograde is a time for reflection, and it brings up stuff to be healed. I don’t need to be an astrologer to know when it’s in retrograde – my body and my emotional state reminds me, if I’m paying attention. And I realized I haven’t been paying attention.

I’ve been spreading myself thin, running from one activity to another, not handling priorities that needed to be handled, and have been reactive to emotions that have been overflowing in me. Though my sun sign is a Capricorn, my rising sign is Scorpio and, somehow, I know that’s adding some intensity to what’s already here.

When you notice you’re on auto-pilot, you’re showing up in ways you don’t even recognize, you’re hearing words escape your mouth that you immediately regret, be gentle with yourself.

The real “gifts” of a retrograde, any retrograde are to remind us to slow down. So, give yourself a little extra compassion. Know that you can reset. You can always reset.

Every moment is another opportunity to connect within.

I’m going to take my own advice.

I’m pressing the big fat PAUSE button.

By Christine Gipple|2018-12-15T19:38:00-05:00November 20th, 2018|Uncategorized|0 Comments

Feelings & Needs, Part II – What’s driving your behavior?

How do you help someone when they’re out of touch with their own needs?

What if it’s your child, and they’re laying on the floor, with tears running down their face, and they’re so overwhelmed they can’t tell you what they need? Like it was for my daughter last weekend. How do you invite connection, intimacy and interaction?

As a parent to a highly sensitive child, it’s been a delicate dance of knowing when to ask questions, when to give space, and when to hold space. I know for me, when my daughter starts to get overwhelmed, I need to start looking at where I am. What am I feeling, what am I needing? How am I contributing to her own stress levels, if at all?

This where self-empathy comes in. In order to tune in to the needs of someone else, we have to do self-connection first.

When we’re meeting our own needs, we increase the capacity to hear others’ needs. I admit, it’s not always easy to pause, especially if we’re feeling stressed out, have too much on our plates, or are running on little sleep. Combine those factors with a highly sensitive person (HSP), and you have a recipe for disconnect and discord.

As I mentioned last week in Feelings and Needs, Part I, in our family dynamic, peaceful resolution to conflict is always the goal. Hearing the needs of everyone in the house is a priority. It’s our way of being. When I was growing up, the mindset of my parents was the kids were to be seen and not heard. We did what we were told, without invitation for conversation or discussion. Needs or Feelings weren’t considered, and I almost laugh when I think about what would’ve happened if I’d tried to express back then. I heard, “Do as I say, not as I do” more times than I can count. The silent message was, “Your needs don’t matter. Be quiet. Do what you’re told. Don’t ask questions, and if you have an opinion, keep it to yourself – you’re just a kid – I’M the parent.”

If you look at the logic of that, it doesn’t really make sense. When you think of a kid speaking their mind, what do you think of? I hear the saying, “Out of the mouths of babes…” – in other words, kids are uncensored, honest. They don’t filter what they say or how, and often they have incredible insight and wisdom. That’s a gift.

Consider this: When a need is met, it goes away.

When we can truly hear a person and connect to what’s going on for them, that’s often what they desire most – to be heard, to feel valued, to be seen. So when you consider the concept that all behavior is an attempt to fulfill a need, it makes sense to find the need under the behavior. Whether your child is curled up in a ball crying, or someone’s lashing out, screaming, or hurling things across the room, there’s a need underneath the behavior. Looking past the behavior to understand what’s driving it is key. That’s where the truth is. And where there’s truth, we can be vulnerable, connected, and move on.

However you’re celebrating this season, if you’re feeling obligated, stressed out, or like you can’t give anymore, press your own “Pause” button. Close your eyes. Take a breath. And ask yourself, “What do I most need?” If you can’t name the need, ask yourself, “What am I feeling?” And work your way to the need that’s driving your behavior. Find your way to your own truth.

The best gift you can give is your presence. You’ll feel happier, lighter, and so will the people around you.

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Much love and Merry Christmas,

Chris

xo

By Christine Gipple|2018-01-07T01:50:02-05:00December 25th, 2017|Uncategorized|0 Comments

Feelings & Needs – Part I [PLUS: FREE RESOURCE]

What if I said it’s possible not only to get your needs met, but to also meet the needs and desires of those around you, without sacrificing your own values or desires? Would you think it’s possible? Would you want some insight as to how?

Here’s the thing. We all want connection. We all want to be heard, to feel valued, to know we matter, and be seen. The essence of Non-violent communication (NVC) is peaceful resolution to conflict. It’s understanding that we all have needs, and all human needs are universal.

FACT: Every action we take, and every choice we make is an attempt to fulfill a need.

Let me repeat that….. E V E R Y A C T I O N we take, and every choice we make is an attempt to meet a need.

So wouldn’t it make sense that in order to get our needs met, it’s essential to first name what they are? It sounds simple, but if you’re not accustomed to tuning in, to checking in with your body, with your emotions, with your own desires FIRST, it can feel impossible to name the actual need under your behavior or action. The link I’m sharing has 3 FREE lists: feelings, needs, and body sensations. It’s available for free download here. Once you click on the link, you can choose which list you want to download, or download all three. You can use these lists to help you connect to what’s going on inside you when you’re having difficulty naming the emotion or need. If you’d like to take it a step further, check out this feelings and needs card deck. When you click on the link, it’s the very first option shown. Consider these new tools for your Life Toolbox. (Disclaimer: I’m not an affiliate for NVC. While I do teach, live and practice this way of living, I’m simply sharing this resource. I was introduced to NVC more than a decade ago, and it was a game changer in the way our family interacted and how I approached life in general.)

WHEN we use the Feelings & Needs Card Deck:

When meltdowns feel imminent
If we miss the intuitive hits and meltdowns happen, these cards are a great way to connect from a place of love, of true desire to connect in a way that all needs are considered and valued.
As a way to connect to what’s going on inside you when you’re having difficulty naming the need
If one of us is feeling really off, tense, or irritable and unable to communicate.
Or if we desire deeper connection and want to enrich our experience with one another.

HOW we use the Feelings & Needs Card Deck:

We’ll simply lay out the cards, feelings first, and we’ll each pick our cards, in silence. When we have all our cards, we then remove that deck, and lay the other cards, the needs. We choose what’s most alive for us from this deck, again in silence, and then one person chooses to share first. While one person is sharing, we listen with silent empathy. We simply witness and listen to what’s being said. Note: This is just ONE way we use the cards, not “the only” way to use them. 😉 (Once, when I was overwhelmed with a lot of emotional attachment and charge, I used the cards to help me get clarity in writing someone a letter.)

If something is burning inside us and we’d like to respond, we ask permission. We don’t shout out our thoughts or project our reactions when someone else is sharing. We share with reflective listening.

Clarifying questions can be helpful to encourage someone to tune in deeper to what they need, but I encourage you to be clear of your intentions and agendas before asking questions. This isn’t for us to fix, diagnose, or decide for anyone else.

Are you thinking, “this is too much work!”?

I’ll admit that in the moment, it does take more time, energy, patience, and willingness. And…In the long run, it saves time, energy, patience and creates more willingness, because this practice of tuning in creates space for everyone to feel heard, which sometimes is all we need to be able to move forward in our day or life..

May you find peace, happiness, health and all of life’s blessings this holiday season.

With love,

Chris

P.S. If you’d like to follow my blog and receive my newsletter on simplifying, letting go and creating more ease, you can do that here .

By Christine Gipple|2018-01-07T01:57:48-05:00December 17th, 2017|Uncategorized|0 Comments

[Stop Crossing Your Own Line!] Are you staying when you need to leave?

Are you staying in a job, relationship, or situation you should’ve left a long time ago?

Have you received intuitive hits, inner nudges, or had dreams about the situation, and ignored them?

I call it crossing my own line.

I can tell you what NOT to do.

Don’t stay when everything in you knows it’s not what you need, and not aligned with your values.

Don’t cross your own line.

That’s exactly what I did in 2015. I stayed in a job that crossed my line in every way. Employees talked behind people’s backs, bosses screamed at employees or other bosses, and there was no one I felt I could trust. Yet, I stayed. For the first time since having my daughter 8 years prior, I felt financial ease, and I liked it.

That financial ease came at a cost. In April 2015, I fell at work permanently changing my physical health.

I ignored my own voice. I ignored those inner nudges. I was so clouded that I didn’t even see the connection to my intuition until after the fall when I read an older journal entry. In Feb 2015, I’d written about how I was “completely out of alignment with this job and company’s values”. I didn’t listen. Post fall, I was physically out of alignment with a back, knee and hip injury.

A couple shadow beliefs surfaced with this fall. One was that, “I don’t matter”, and I really needed to matter. I told myself a story that if the bosses knew how badly I was hurt, they’d care; they’d make changes to insure no one else got hurt, or at the very least, they’d take precautions so that I wouldn’t get re-injured. But the truth was, they did know and nothing changed.

Another shadow belief was, “I can’t depend on anyone else.” I stayed out of fear. I feared I’d lose my financial freedom if I didn’t have the same income. It’s true my finances would change. But I was living in a state of fear anyway. Everything in my life was different. I couldn’t do my job, yoga, exercise, climb steps, walk, sit for a period of time, or sleep without pain. Nothing in my life was the same. So how much freedom was I really going to lose?

Anger, righteousness and denial were all pieces of this puzzle that it took me the next two years to unravel and let go of. If I’m being honest, I held onto these far longer than I want to admit. Truth was, I chose to stay – even when this company showed me who they were, and I knew it was out of alignment with who I was. I wasn’t making the changes I needed to make, so the universe stepped in to assist, taking me out at the knees.

This is what happens. If we’re not listening, the messages get louder. The whispers become screams. The intuitive hits aren’t so subtle anymore. We repeat patterns by drawing in those exact people, circumstances and situations that will have us play out the exact message we’re refusing to see. Whether it’s a relationship, a job, a boundary issue with someone you love, (or someone you don’t), or disconnection from a partner we’re refusing to see. Solutions come out sideways. Often, the choices would’ve been far easier to just make the change in the first place.

Embrace the conflict.

What’s one core belief you’ve had that hasn’t served you? I’m curious how willing you are to hold onto that belief? Is it serving you? Holding on can be a form of resistance, denial, or anger, or a combination of these things. Do you know your threshold on when it’s time to leave?

Today I invite you to look at your life objectively.

Is there something you need to change? Is there a nagging little voice inside that isn’t going away?

Sending you big love as you walk the path of alignment,

Chris

xo

P.S. If you’d like to follow my blog and receive my newsletter on simplifying, letting go and creating more ease, you can do that here .

By Christine Gipple|2018-01-07T01:59:51-05:00November 26th, 2017|Uncategorized|0 Comments

Soul Space Decluttering

Soul Space…

Spaces where you find what you want when you want it.

Where you have what you need at your fingertips.

Space to think, to be, to feel, to connect.

To feel alive, to breathe deeply, have restful sleep, connect with yourself, and those you love.

To realign with what matters most…

Three of my core values are for Order, Ease and Simplicity.

When those needs are met, I’m calm, present, connected. I’m aligned. It’s easy to follow through on commitments, take action toward what I want, to say yes when I mean yes, and no when I mean no when my actions are internally aligned with my values and needs.

One way for us to stay aligned is to consistently reevaluate what we keep.

So yesterday I did a challenge (Link at end) to Declutter 100 items in less than an hour. The intent of this challenge is to set your timer for 60 minutes and go room to room gathering 10 items, 20 items etc, from each space until you have 100. You don’t stop until the timer goes off, or until you have 100.

I didn’t do it the same way as recommended, not by design totally. My somewhat OCD self – not really, but kinda – needed to have order amidst the self-induced clutter clearing challenge.

I started in my kitchen. And stayed there for 60 minutes. I cleaned, wiped, and organized as I decluttered – not part of the challenge. When the timer went off, I wasn’t done, nor did I have 100 items. So I set it for another 30 minutes, and this time stopped cleaning, organizing and wiping, kinda. I really am “Monica” from Friends, so it’s my own niche to clean, sort & organize as I go. But I did make it out of my kitchen, and into my bathroom. This time, when the timer went off, I had 160 items total and I even managed to find two missing items that had fallen underneath a drawer and were laying at the bottom of a cabinet. So 90 minutes, 160 items, not too bad. Still, I’ll redo the challenge and do it as designed.

There’s two lessons here: 1) it’s so easy to throw ourselves off track, and 2) it’s just as easy to bring us back when we have focus, awareness and intention.

Ease. Order. Simplicity. Life isn’t always easy, orderly, and it’s certainly not always simple. Which is why it’s critical to create soul spaces in your home, and habits. Self-care, yoga, working out, eating well – whatever it is that nurtures you and keeps you feeling connected and alive – that’s what needs to be in your daily rituals.

So where do you need to create more space? Is there a certain room? A certain spot within a room? Maybe a specific relationship needs a clear boundary in place? Maybe your mind wishes for quiet so you can actually hear your own thoughts and inner desires? What’s on your wish list? Your #50Desires?

Does this sound fun to you? The idea is to create incentive to let go, and to have fun in the process. Hop on over to https://bemorewithless.com/decluttering-burst/ for Courtney Carver’s Declutter 100 Items in Less than an Hour Challenge. Let me know what happened for you. 🙂 #bemorewithless, #100DeclutterChallenge.

Enjoy the process. Life’s too short to stress over our stuff. Learn to let it go!

Sending love,

Chris

xo

By Christine Gipple|2017-08-20T17:37:09-04:00August 20th, 2017|Uncategorized|0 Comments

How fiberglass curtains and salsa reminded me to choose peace

Last night my daughter had a sleepover. As parents, we believe in giving children choice, permission, and freedom. We trust that with our guidance and their intuition, they’ll make wise choices that’ll give them the best learning experiences.

So when I went into the living room after the girls were all set in her room for the night, what I found surprised me.

On the wooden ledge of the futon, there was a soaking wet Handi-Wipe filled with Salsa rolled up in a ball. As I started moving pillows and blankets, I noticed a huge wet spot under one of the blankets where salsa was cleaned up, along with a few straggler chips.

I was annoyed. She knows better. Wood ledges – water drenches wood and warps it. She knows this. Food was left out in the kitchen.

As I reminded her of these things, after walking in her room with the Handi-Wipe evidenced full of salsa, she cowered, apologized. She’d tried to clean it up the best she could. She felt bad. Still, I reminded her of what I knew she was already told – water ruins wood and it’s important to clean up messes – when they happen.

Her dad stood by and listened and I saw something in his eyes that I was missing. “She tried”, he said. And she did. She’s 10.

I immediately was catapulted back to my Fairview kitchen and was 10 years old. I’d been in school all day and couldn’t wait to get home to remove my intensely itchy white uniform shirt. I didn’t know what was wrong, but all day it was burning and itching against my skin. As I stood by the washing machine in our kitchen – scratching, red, and in tears – my older brother walked in and asked me what was wrong. As I shared my day and told him about my shirt, I shared how I’d washed my shirts with our living room curtains the day before.

The living room curtains were made of fiberglass.

Ouch.

I’ll never forget his reaction – it was like, “Duh! You don’t wash fiberglass curtains with anything!

What did I know? I was 10. I just needed clean shirts for school. Why not multi-task? Yes, even at 10, I was like this.

Last night, I saw myself in my daughter’s actions. She was given the freedom to choose and she did what she thought was best. She’d cleaned up the spilled salsa and just forgot to move the rag and the wet blanket.

I was reminded of how little she is. I was reminded how delicate each learning experience can be. And how our experiences can often imprint on us for years to come.

I stopped to snuggle her, share the curtain story, and assure her I know she did her best – because she did. I hesitated because she had a friend sleeping over – but this is what we do – talk and snuggle it out.

So the next time your child does something that triggers you, I invite you to remember how little they are, and how often they’re coming from their best place of experience as they know it. They look to us for guidance on how to handle situations.

We’re not perfect. But we can create perfect relationships for us and our families, through empathy and seeing things through another set of eyes.

We just have to be willing to see.

How about you? Is there a place you need to soften? A place where you and your family could benefit from seeing something a little differently?

I’d love to hear your experiences! Share your comments below and if you liked this article, please share it!

xo

By Christine Gipple|2017-04-22T19:37:35-04:00June 18th, 2016|Lifestyle, Parenting|0 Comments

Are you resisting the flow? Or riding waves with ease?

I wasn’t in the flow today.

I’m not sure what tipped me off first – the guy abruptly backing into my car while I waited at the stop sign, or my windshield wiper flying off as I drove down the Black Horse Pike – in the rain. But I was definitely NOT in the flow, and felt my day spiraling into chaos.

Maybe it was the meltdown that came before I left my house after getting an upsetting call, reminding me of the conflict I feel about a decision that must be made, soon. Or being woken up by outrageously loud saws, music and voices coming from my next door neighbors roof as men installed fascia on his home. Or when my vacuum cleaner spit OUT the items it was supposed to be taking in. Maybe it was when the water spilled all over the paperwork I needed to take with me when I left the house. Or the torrential rain and winds that took down a tree near my house, causing me to drive down a different street, placing me at that stop sign so the kind gentleman could smash into me in the first place.

Yeah, it was all of that. One after another, things were happening, reminding me to stop. To slow down. To pause, and feel the emotions flooding through me.

I knew it was time to get quiet.

But my intention was clear when I woke up. We were driving to North Jersey to see the documentary, Vaxxed. “My plan” was to get out of the house – despite the prediction of rain later in the day, despite my car needing to be dropped off for service, despite seeing unfinished signs to be made for a yard sale, despite dishes in my sink, despite my printer needing fixing so I can get it to scan, despite my home needing attention, and “me” needing attention.

I wanted to stick with “the plan”.

But my daughter wasn’t embracing spending a chunk of the day in the car, which would’ve been the case. Honoring her needs as well as mine is a core value to me. So I amended the plan. But I didn’t really want to. I was all in my head thinking how important this film is, and how we can only make change if we all see the facts. I’ve seen the film in NY but my daughter hasn’t. My real resistance to cancelling our plans though had little to do with the actual film, and more to do with the mayhem I felt inside. I needed order, and going with the plan allowed me to feel in control – of something.

Here’s the truth.

Our “plan” really has no place in our day. We can plan, sure. And, we need to be aware, (for me, much more quickly), when our plans need amending. It was one of those days – I wanted to do what I intended, and I didn’t feel like being flexible.

How many times have you had days like this? Where things weren’t lining up the way you wanted, where you were resisting, and received constant blocks trying to redirect you? What will you do next time this happens?

I know what I’ll do. I’ll get on my yoga mat and meditate. Or write. Or breathe. Or cry. Or all of those.

There’s a time to plow through and stick with the plan, and there’s a time to allow things to unfold naturally. When those blocks come, it’s a reminder to slow down, to pause.

It’s not time to plow – it’s time to allow.

Because sometimes we need to allow stuff to move through us before it can leave us.

I’d love to hear what you do when this happens for you. How do you reset yourself? How do you tune back in? I often will organize or clear clutter, but that just wasn’t in my energetic field today. The universe had other plans.

Leave a comment below, and if this helped you, please share it!

With love and blessings,

Chris

By Christine Gipple|2017-04-22T19:37:36-04:00June 8th, 2016|Holistic Health, Intuition|0 Comments