Year in Review -13 Reflective Questions to set the tone for 2025

One of my family’s daily rituals is to check in by sharing our highs, lows, what we feel, what we need or want, and something we learned that day. This allows us to connect with each other, and brings awareness to what was most significant for us.

At the end of the year, we expand on that and reflect on what worked, what didn’t, what we want more of, less of, and what has to go in the coming year. This year, I added a few more prompts and I’m sharing it with you here and below.

The prompts are intended to invite deeper awareness so you can eliminate the things that drain you, and instead, focus on things you value most and what energizes you. You get to choose where you spend your precious time and energy. And only you can decide what stays and what goes.

On a call the other day, I was sharing this list of questions, and heard myself say that I wanted to think about what “gets my all” this year. Keep that in mind as you answer the questions about what gets your “all” this year.

There are 13 prompts to reflect on. I prefer handwriting my answers, but you can do whatever works for you. My daughter wrote her answers directly into her laptop when our family did this practice together on New Year’s Eve.

The practice:

  • Grab a journal and a pen. Make yourself a cup of tea, coffee, or whatever you prefer. Put on your favorite music and comfy clothes and settle in to spend some time with yourself.
  • If you want to invite others to do this with you, go for it!
  • My family and I do this silently together, (meaning we don’t talk while doing it) with music in the background. Once we’re all complete, we take one prompt at a time and share our answers aloud with each other. It’s voluntary and connecting. Often, when one of us shares, another has some kind of realization around something they haven’t thought of for themselves.
  • This practice invites deeper self-connection and reflection. It allows us to ponder where we’ve been, what we’ve accomplished, and allows us to touch on what we still long for. It also illuminates where we can be more conscious of how we’re using our precious time and energy as we move into the coming year. And within each moment.
  • Because all we really have is this moment.

The timing:

  • I like to do it until I feel complete, but if you prefer to use a timer, set it for 20-30 mins. If you want more time, just extend the timer. I enjoy flexibility so if I need more hot water and lemon, I get up to get it. Or if I must use the bathroom, I go. I also want space to explore what comes up in the moment without the pressure of time. So, for me, not using a timer allows me to stay more connected to my mind and body.

The prompts:

  1. What are your biggest celebrations this past year? What are you most excited about that you started, completed, or let go of?
  2. What’s your favorite memory from this past year? (can you connect to core values or needs it met?)
  3. What still feels unfinished, and what are you still craving?
  4. Where do you feel the weight of something you’re carrying — like anxiety, blame, the belief that you’re not good enough, obligations to others that you’ve outgrown, etc.?  Think about what keeps you up at night.
  5. Imagine you were ready to let the weight of what you’re carrying go. If you were ready, what’s the first thing you’d do?
  6. What is the biggest hurdle you overcame this year? Or put another way, What did you accomplish this year that you didn’t think you could? What parts of you did you need to access to achieve what you wanted? (tenacity, courage, intentionality, etc.).
  7. What’s the best decision you made this year?
  8. What’s the biggest lesson you learned?
  9. What happened that you didn’t expect?
  10. What was your biggest disappointment or mourning?
  11. What’s something you integrated into your daily life that has kept you sane for this past year?
  12. What’s your biggest gratitude?
  13. What’s something you’d like to “give your all” to in the coming year?

A final prompt below is quoted directly from Suleika Jaouad’s “Five Lists” prompts.

  • “My fifth and final list is my favorite: my wild ideas list. I set a timer for five minutes, and in a completely unedited stream of consciousness, I jot down every wild scheme, every grand plan, every creative idea that comes to mind, no matter how harebrained or unrealistic.”

As we move into 2025, let’s take up space together. Let’s allow ourselves to dream, imagine, think bigger than we think we can achieve, and just do the things we think we can’t.

For me, courage is doing (or trying) something I think I can’t.

When mind chatter stops you from taking action, or reminds you how you didn’t quite measure up, gently turn DOWN the voice of your inner critic. Instead, remember your answers to these prompts, and turn UP the voice of your wise inner self and follow the passions and desires that light you up.

Here’s to living our lives focused on what matters most – in 2025 and beyond.

By |2025-01-10T09:47:55-05:00January 7th, 2025|Uncategorized|0 Comments
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What do we do now? Caring for Yourself Post-Election 2024

My eighteen-year-old daughter who’s away at college called me at 1:30 am during the counting of election ballots asking me, “Mom, what do we do now?” when she saw how the election was leaning.

Below is a portion of my responses, plus additional thoughts in the hopes they might help you care for yourself today and going forward.

“I’m devastated, too…

What we do now is keep going. Keep moving forward. Feel what we feel so we can acknowledge it, move through it, process it, and remember what matters most to us. Yesterday I felt hope, passion, and inspiration for moving forward collectively with compassion, empathy, kindness and strength. Today, the person I voted for won’t be at the helm of our country, yet that doesn’t erase my own desires and hopes. It doesn’t change the fact that half of the country DID vote to protect our democracy and personal choices. We’re all still here.

Alongside my own grief, I somehow feel more passionate, more inspired, and more motivated.  Because now my values are at stake at another level. Our freedoms are truly at stake because the person who’ll be in charge doesn’t value giving others personal choice, and instead wants to control and take away many of the choices for so many of us, especially women.

It’s easy for me to blame and get angry and think WTF is wrong with people, when I see the ludicrous inconsistencies in their logic. I go there. I’m baffled when I see people choosing hate, division, and exclusion.

Yet, that’s where we are. Half of our country has chosen a man I label as a dictator and a narcissist to lead our country, and the other half wants compassion, empathy, democracy and diplomacy. I put myself in the latter category where I want us to form strong allies and allegiances– within our country and beyond. I believe we are stronger together. And I believe our actions and choices impact everyone collectively. It’s like the butterfly effect.

And, this is life. We think it’s going one way, and the outcomes are often opposite of what we expect and predict.

So, we keep going. We keep making choices that bring us closer to the kind of world we want to live in. We focus on what matters to us and make sure every action we take contributes to that. It’s a big ask because it requires all of body/mind/spirit to be conscious and online.

And we track every election by being aware of every open seat, check out who’s running and research them. We vote to fill the seats for congress, house of representatives, senate, council, mayor, governor, and of course, president with people who are democracy advocates and protectors. Vs. people who only want to use their power and control to eradicate or shame anyone who disagrees with them.

I told her, we do what we did in this election – see who’s up in each seat, check them out, hear what they have to say, and cast our vote as it aligns with our values. And, if we’re inspired to do more, we do.

Regardless of who’s at the helm of our country, we get to use our voice and be loud. Look at Rosa Parks – she changed history forever with one choice. As of right now, we still have our 19th amendment.”

So, how do you care for yourself post election? What I’m doing is this: Feeling what I feel, recognizing that my own sadness is longing for a world where peace, inclusion, kindness, tolerance and acceptance is valued. Then I’m asking myself how I can be more conscious about the choices I make in each moment that contributes to those things. I’m asking myself what actions I can take to allow me to feel the way I want to feel, and to promote that feeling with others creating connection, and all the things I just named.

I choose to connect to what matters, and chose from a place of self-awareness around my emotions, instead of blindly reacting and spewing hate.

Wrapping us all with care, hope and love that we will move forward together, in a way that connects and supports each other. Like the roots of the trees that connect underneath, we’re all connected. May we work to create the world that we ALL want to live in, and feel safe to do so as we are.

By |2024-11-07T16:35:59-05:00November 6th, 2024|Uncategorized|0 Comments
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How to Build Trust and Intimacy In Relationships – A TED Talk to Share

I heard this TED talk with Louise Evans a while back, and when it came to me a 2nd time, I had to share it with you!

This reminded me of an exercise from nonviolent communication (NVC for short), called, “The Four Ears.”

Marshall Rosenberg, the founder of NVC, says we have four options for receiving negative messages, and they are:

  1. We judge ourselves.
  2. We judge others.
  3. We empathize with ourselves.
  4. We empathize with others.

Our response largely depends on how we hear and interpret these messages.

In other words, our response will depend on what we’re making the situation mean – about ourselves, others, or the world. 

So, depending on how we interpret something, we potentially create calm or chaos.

It’s our choice.  But it’s often an unconscious one.

Louise says, “in every moment, we’re making choices about our behaviors that we’re bringing into the world.”  And, she shares a step we can take before reacting that supports us in making those choices consciously.

In this TED Talk of “The 5 Chairs”, Louise calls this step, WAIT. It’s the transition step between judgment and empathy where she invites us to ask ourselves, “What Am I Thinking?”, before we react.

How many times has something happened and we immediately go to judgment, and we react, based on our own perception of what we just heard or saw?

And, how many times is our perception off, and we jump to a conclusion that isn’t even true?

This is the power of the Pause.

I love how she reminds herself to hang on for a second, noting that she needs more data because she doesn’t have all the puzzle pieces yet. She consciously decides to check the meaning making in her head against what’s really in front of her.

When we pause here, we allow ourselves to consider, just for that brief moment, what else might be going on, besides the story we’re telling ourselves.

  • Pausing gives us space to mindfully choose our next step.
  • Pausing gives us time to carefully respond, instead of instantly react.
  • Pausing gives us clarity because we’re checking in with our own internal dialogue.

If you find that you’re reacting more than you’d like in your relationships, whether it’s at home, at work, in your family dynamics, with your partner or children, you’re not alone.

See if you can integrate WAIT before reacting.

Ask yourself what you are thinking.

Ask yourself what you’re making this situation mean, and if it’s even true.

See if you need more information before you respond.

And then, watch your relationships begin to shift.

Because they will shift!

When you Pause to ask yourself what you are thinking, what you are making this mean, and what story you’re telling yourself, you then have the opportunity to check it out with the other person to see if any of that was even true.

If you’re feeling confused and needing clarity around your best next move, here’s a few bonus questions to support you in seeing if your actions are aligned with your values:

  • What’s important here?
  • What matters most to me?
  • What do I want?
  • What do I need?

Connecting to our needs and values FIRST allows us to make conscious choices that will bring us closer to our desires.

Drop me a line. I’d love to know how this impacts you!

Wishing you love and connection,

Chris

P.S.  I also loved the cost of “being right” (8m22 into video). See if you can relate. I know I could see a previous version of myself where my detail oriented perfectionist ran the show. 😉

By |2023-02-24T23:57:09-05:00February 24th, 2023|Uncategorized|0 Comments
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Joyous Outrage – Embracing Peaceful Intolerance

Joyous Outrage – not words that seem to go together, right?   Stay with me…

Last night I pulled an oracle card, and my card was, “Power of Joy. ”  The card invited me to consider that when we come from a place of joy, we connect to our purpose. Even though I believe this, I found myself questioning if embracing joy was the wisest choice when we’re living with so much injustice and fear in our world right now.

In the wake of covid19, George Floyd’s murder, and a multitude of other events, I was feeling challenged to embrace joy in the face of horrific injustices. Then I realized choosing joy is the wisest choice.   The events of our world are exactly why we need to stay connected to what brings us joy.

In the saying, “time flies when you’re having fun”, we’re reminded how we wish we could stop the clock, press pause, and savor the moment, right?  Here’s a few of my moments of joy…

  1. …when I held my sleeping infant daughter in my arms and digitally recorded her tiny sounds as she breathed.
  2. …the night I pulled my wet 3-yr old out of the tub and dressed her faster than a Ninja because Santa was coming on the fire truck outside.  Her high pitched squeals of excitement literally made me cry.
  3. …and then the simple beauty of seeing flowers in a vase I love, hearing the birds chirp, witnessing children play.

Just for a moment here, close your eyes and think about what brings you true joy.  Ok, got it?  Now, hold onto that for a minute.

George Floyd’s death has both, brought our nation together, and illuminated where we’re still grossly divided.  With our peaceful protestors there are also opportunistic looters. One blurs into the other as our nation splits into what’s right, what’s wrong, as we forget the entire point of the peaceful protestors.   I stand with the protestors.  I stand up for Peaceful Intolerance.   I stand for claiming justice and joy for ALL humans.

Have the hard conversations.  Act on the social injustices you witness.  As history continues to repeat itself, I’ve felt ashamed to be a white woman when I see the inequities around me.  George Floyd death is not an isolated incident; it’s a systemic reminder of what needs to change.   Our enraged country, and our world is screaming, “Enough!”

ENOUGH!  Enough to the injustice.  Enough to the divide.   Enough to rights for some, and not for others.

What can we do if we’re not able to physically protest?   How can we bring the change we want to see? That’s what I’ve been sitting with.  What can I actually do?

As trite as it sounds, I can embrace joy.  Even in my outrage.  I can be joyously outraged as I’m reminded all lives matter.  Black lives matter.  Trans lives matter.   Children’s voices matter. Elderly voices matter.  And right now more than ever, we need to stand in solidarity that #Black Lives Matter.

Hitler divided us. Hitler decided who was worthy to live based on the color of their skin, the size or shape of their head, or the name someone had.  And now our leader is dividing us with those same criteria. I don’t know what kind of pain our president is in, but I do know we cannot afford to let his wounds lead this country anymore.

We need empathy, not tweets. 

Action Challenge:

Here’s some steps I’m taking as I’m not able to physically protest right now.  Maybe this will spark some ideas for you, too.

  1. Create a Sign to display in your window or on your lawn that promotes Peace, Social Justice, that supports equality for all lives, particularly those whose lives are marginalized in our society.
  2. Join (or create) a group to embrace and embody Anti-Racism and Social Justice as you move into activism around how to end the divide.
  3. Join the Peaceful Protestors and be Peacefully Intolerant
  4. Read books to educate yourself on racism, especially if you’re white.   Ibram X. Kendi, How to be an Anti-Racist, is a great place to start, as well as Non-Violent Communication by Marshall Rosenberg.
  5. Write to your state’s leaders, your governors, your congressman, or even to The White House.
  6. Sign a variety of petitions honoring the #BlackLivesMatter movement.
  7. Watch the film Just Mercy.
  8. Support Owners of Black Owned Bookstores.

Back to joy.   If it’s true that our joy leads to our purpose, then I want to focus on what brings me joy.   Beauty.  Nature.  Space.  Writing.  My daughter.  Yoga.  Practicing compassion. Empathy. Deep Listening. Connection. Health.   As I type this, here’s my view, and it brings me joy.

What brings you joy?  What connects you to you?    When I invited you to close your eyes earlier, what joyful memories sparked in you?  Do more of that!  I hope you’ll join me in using *YOUR* voice, to step into what matters most to you.

I hope you’ll be Joyously Outraged and Peacefully Intolerant of what you’ll no longer accept when you see injustices. Here’s a quote that reminds us that an injustice anywhere is injustice everywhere.

“Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter.” Martin Luther King, Jr.

I’ll be launching an online series on Compassion, Listening and Empathy, a way to Connect You to You.  If you’re not already in my community and want to be notified of upcoming workshops, talks or events, join my community here.

I’m grateful to have you as part of my tribe.  Until we meet again…

~Chris

 

By |2020-06-07T16:43:00-04:00June 7th, 2020|Uncategorized|0 Comments
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Resistance – How it shows up and keeps us stuck

A few years back, I had resistance to working with a coach to do some deep work.  I had two main fears:

1) What if I surpassed my husband in terms of personal growth, ruining the possibility for us to stay truly “connected”?  And,

2) What if I stayed the same? (which in my mind was worse than the first one)

Both of these fears were my resistance.  Resistance is simply an unconscious (often self-imposed) defense mechanism that we put in place thinking it’s going to protect us from feeling the hurt, discomfort, pain, anxiety, rejection or whatever it is we don’t want to feel.

Fact is, resistance does the opposite of protecting us from any of those things.  Resistance will bind us to the very pain and discomfort we’re trying so hard to avoid.

We often tell ourselves it’s scary to look inside and get to the root of our emotional stories, dramas, or situations, but the truth is, it’s actually scarier not to.

Once you see it, you can transform it.  Louise Hay has a great quote, “If  you’re going to clean the house, you have to see the dirt.”

You can’t change what you can’t see.

The good news is, once you see the dirt, once you face your resistance and actually DO that thing that scares you, you’re immediately more empowered.  Then you can take steps toward your desires. Any small steps toward what you want will slowly dissipate your fear.

Think about something you’ve been wanting to say yes to, or something that’s been on your desires list and you’ve been too afraid to commit to.   What can you do this week to move you closer to YES?

Think small, baby steps.  Something bite sized and doable.  Then do it!

Taking one step can be the catapult you need for big change.

You got this!

Sending you big love….

xo

P.S.  If you’d like to follow my blog and receive my newsletter on simplifying, letting go and creating more ease, you can do that here .  

By |2018-01-07T02:00:34-05:00November 19th, 2017|Uncategorized|0 Comments
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Soul Space Decluttering

Soul Space…

Spaces where you find what you want when you want it.

Where you have what you need at your fingertips.

Space to think, to be, to feel, to connect.

To feel alive, to breathe deeply, have restful sleep, connect with yourself, and those you love.

To realign with what matters most…

Three of my core values are for Order, Ease and Simplicity.

When those needs are met, I’m calm, present, connected. I’m aligned.  It’s easy to  follow through on commitments, take action toward what I want, to say yes when I mean yes, and no when I mean no when my actions are internally aligned with my values and needs.

One way for us to stay aligned is to consistently reevaluate what we keep.

So yesterday I did a challenge (Link at end) to Declutter 100 items in less than an hour.   The intent of this challenge is to set your timer for 60 minutes and go room to room gathering 10 items, 20 items etc, from each space until you have 100.   You don’t stop until the timer goes off, or until you have 100.

I didn’t do it the same way as recommended, not by design totally.  My somewhat OCD self – not really, but kinda – needed to have order amidst the self-induced clutter clearing challenge.

I started in my kitchen.   And stayed there for 60 minutes.  I cleaned, wiped, and organized as I decluttered – not part of the challenge.  When the timer went off, I wasn’t done, nor did I have 100 items.  So I set it for another 30 minutes, and this time stopped cleaning, organizing and wiping, kinda.  I really am “Monica” from Friends, so it’s my own niche to clean, sort & organize as I go.   But I did make it out of my kitchen, and into my bathroom.   This time, when the timer went off, I had 160 items total and I even managed to find two missing items that had fallen underneath a drawer and were laying at the bottom of a cabinet.   So 90 minutes, 160 items, not too bad.  Still, I’ll redo the challenge and do it as designed.

There’s two lessons here: 1) it’s so easy to throw ourselves off track, and 2) it’s just as easy to bring us back when we have focus, awareness and intention.

Ease.  Order.  Simplicity.  Life isn’t always easy, orderly, and it’s certainly not always simple.   Which is why it’s critical to create soul spaces in your home, and habits.  Self-care, yoga, working out, eating well – whatever it is that nurtures you and keeps you feeling connected and alive – that’s what needs to be in your daily rituals.

So where do you need to create more space?  Is there a certain room?  A certain spot within a room?  Maybe a specific relationship needs a clear boundary in place?  Maybe your mind wishes for quiet so you can actually hear your own thoughts and inner desires?  What’s on your wish list?  Your #50Desires?

Does this sound fun to you?   The idea is to create incentive to let go, and to have fun in the process.  Hop on over to https://bemorewithless.com/decluttering-burst/ for Courtney Carver’s Declutter 100 Items in Less than an Hour Challenge.  Let me know what happened for you.  🙂 #bemorewithless, #100DeclutterChallenge.

Enjoy the process.  Life’s too short to stress over our stuff.  Learn to let it go!

Sending love,

 

Chris

xo

By |2017-08-20T17:37:09-04:00August 20th, 2017|Uncategorized|0 Comments
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