Letting Go & Holding On

Why do we hold onto things?

What is it we hope to gain?

What are we so afraid of releasing, even if it’s things we’re not using?

It’s a loaded question, and one not easily answered because it’s subjective to each of us.

It’s subjective, and it’s also universal.

We all worry about needing things after we let go.  We all can relate to feeling overwhelmed at the amount of responsibility on our plates, clutter in our homes and in our minds.

When it comes to letting go, we often resist.  We think if we hold on, we retain a sense of control, because we know what it feels like to hold on.  Letting go creates an unknown.  It’s new territory.

Letting go means change.

Change is a form of surrender.  We may not know what’s coming next.  We may not know what to do after we release something, or someone.  Where does it go?   Where will it be used the most effectively?   When can I get it there?  Where does it go before I take it there or have it picked up?  What happens after it’s gone?  What’s next, and who am I without it?

All of these questions can lead to paralysis, so we do nothing.  We hold on. We keep it “until we have more time” to figure out all the pieces before jumping in to something new.

I’ll tell you a secret.  There’s never a perfect time.   It’s like having kids.  Or leaving a toxic job.  Or starting a diet.  Or leaving/starting a relationship.  Or losing someone.  There’s no perfect time.  You can “prepare” yourself all you want, but when change comes, we still need to adjust, allow for transition.

There’s always that unknown space between when something ends and something new begins. 

So what do you need to let go of today?   Is it mind clutter that’s been overwhelming you into submission, where you just keep doing the same thing you’ve been doing and not liking the result?  Maybe it’s physical clutter, and you just clean around it, seeing the piles around you (or not) and being energetically drained each time you pass them.

Action Challenge:

If it’s clutter you need to clear, give yourself one hour of time today.  If an hour feels too long, make it 30 minutes.  Set a timer for 15 minutes and pick one spot to clear, with the intention of bringing in more of what you love, need, and desire by releasing what you don’t.   When the timer goes off, start putting things back so that when the ½ hour is up, your area is clear and you’re not left with chaos.   Bag up what you’ve removed, label it “donation”, and put it in your car to go to a donation site.   OR, put it in a bag or box, marked for the charity of your choice that you align with.  Call the charity, schedule the pick-up, and seal the bag or box.  Now you have a deadline for when it’s leaving.

If it’s not physical clutter, but an action step you need to take, allow yourself 30 minutes to research your options.  Maybe you need to find a contractor or service and need referrals.  Set your timer for 15 minutes making a list (an actual written list) listing out the criteria this contractor or service needs to provide.   Do the test of passing up good for great.   (Cheryl Richardson has a saying, “Pass up good for great.”).   Once you have your list, spend the next 15 minutes asking for referrals.  Maybe you can share a post on a Facebook Community Group asking for referrals.  Be specific.  Or text friends asking them who they’ve loved and used that moved them in the direction they wanted to go. When the timer goes off, thank yourself for taking a step toward creating space for you!

Resources to Receive Your Charitable Donations (aka Clutter):

  1. www.purpleheartpickup.org –They’ll pick up from your home
  2. https://angelsofgod.org/ – You drop off in Pitman, NJ
  3. https://www.habitat.org/ – Pickup or Drop off.  They accept larger household items.
  4. https://smartparentadvice.com/how-to-donate-stuffed-animals/  – (This is an excellent article by Parenting Experts, Ryan and Cristin Howard.  Their article offers ideas on how to donate stuffed animals, and their site is a great resource for navigating parenting as we release and let go.)

Leave a comment letting me know what worked or what didn’t.

Want to chat privately?  Message me here.

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Sharing is Caring!  If you know someone who would benefit from reading this, please share it out!  🙂

 

By |2020-06-07T12:35:37-04:00April 29th, 2018|Uncategorized|3 Comments
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What’s your New Year’s Eve Ritual? Instead of [Resolutions], try this!

The past few days, I’ve been thinking about how we can enhance our family’s “reflection rituals” for New Year’s Eve.  In the past, we’ve done vision boards at our dining room table, each equipped with magazines, poster board, scissors and glue. We play music we love, we chat, and we enjoy the creation process.  Additions for this year are:  reading through all the messages of thanks from 2017 from our gratitude jar (shown below), and answering a new series of questions I created as we exit 2017 and welcome in 2018’s peaceful energy.

If you’re tired of making resolutions and not following through, join me in reflective ritual by asking yourself the questions below. (If you need to pull your 2017 calendar off your wall, or look in your phone’s calendar to recall how you spent your time, by all means, do it!)  Pour a cup of tea, light some candles, put on some quiet music and enter 2018 with awareness around our choices.  (Here’s just one of my favorite CD’s for reflection):  The Essential Snatam Kaur: Sacred Chants.

Grab a journal, or some paper and answer these reflective questions:

  1. What worked in 2017? What didn’t?  Make a list.
  2. What do you want more of in 2018? What do you want less of?  Make a list.
  3. What activities did you do, what actions did you take, or what choices did you make that drained you, leaving you feeling depleted?   Write them down.
  4. Which activities or actions lit you up, excited you, leaving you feeling inspired, motivated and unstoppable?
  5. Looking at your list for what excited you, what’s the common theme or feeling that’s present?  Next to each activity, just make a note of the feeling that was present from doing that activity.  Was it happiness? Confidence? Freedom?  Look for the most common theme for 2017.  Choose the feeling that’s the strongest from your list. This is what you want to create more of in 2018.
  6. Knowing that in order to feel those feelings, there’s likely an action you’ll need to take or a structure you’ll need in place in order to feel inspired and create change.  What’s one thing you could do this week, and potentially continue, so you could feel those feelings now, instead of in the future?
  7. Lastly, what kind of support do you need in place to accomplish this? Is there something you need to let go of?  Something you need to add?  Someone you need to help hold you accountable?

My hope is these questions bring you closer to your dreams for 2018!   If you’d like a list of feelings to help you tap into your desires, you can find that here.  If you liked this exercise and would like some deeper introspection, I’ve included a PDF of Debbie Ford’s, “A New Year’s Ritual here.

Like this post and want to see more like it?    You can follow my blog and receive my newsletter by clicking here.

I’d love to hear if this helped you.  What did you love?  What did you resist?  What are you creating more of (or taking away) as a result of doing this exercise?

Sending you wishes for a powerful and healthy 2018!

Chris

xo

By |2018-01-07T01:46:11-05:00December 31st, 2017|Uncategorized|0 Comments
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Feelings & Needs – Part I [PLUS: FREE RESOURCE]

What if I said it’s possible not only to get your needs met, but to also meet the needs and desires of those around you, without sacrificing your own values or desires?  Would you think it’s possible?  Would you want some insight as to how?

Here’s the thing.  We all want connection.  We all want to be heard, to feel valued, to know we matter, and be seen.  The essence of Non-violent communication (NVC) is peaceful resolution to conflict.  It’s understanding that we all have needs, and all human needs are universal.

FACT:  Every action we take, and every choice we make is an attempt to fulfill a need. 

Let me repeat that….. E V E R Y    A C T I O N we take, and every choice we make is an attempt to meet a need.

So wouldn’t it make sense that in order to get our needs met, it’s essential to first name what they are?  It sounds simple, but if you’re not accustomed to tuning in, to checking in with your body, with your emotions, with your own desires FIRST, it can feel impossible to name the actual need under your behavior or action.  The link I’m sharing has 3 FREE lists: feelings, needs, and body sensations.  It’s available for free download here.  Once you click on the link, you can choose which list you want to download, or download all three.  You can use these lists to help you connect to what’s going on inside you when you’re having difficulty naming the emotion or need.  If you’d like to take it a step further, check out this feelings and needs card deck.  When you click on the link, it’s the very first option shown.  Consider these new tools for your Life Toolbox.  (Disclaimer:  I’m not an affiliate for NVC. While I do teach, live and practice this way of living, I’m simply sharing this resource.  I was introduced to NVC more than a decade ago, and it was a game changer in the way our family interacted and how I approached life in general.)

WHEN we use the Feelings & Needs Card Deck:

  • When meltdowns feel imminent
  • If we miss the intuitive hits and meltdowns happen, these cards are a great way to connect from a place of love, of true desire to connect in a way that all needs are considered and valued.
  • As a way to connect to what’s going on inside you when you’re having difficulty naming the need
  • If one of us is feeling really off, tense, or irritable and unable to communicate.
  • Or if we desire deeper connection and want to enrich our experience with one another.

HOW we use the Feelings & Needs Card Deck:

We’ll simply lay out the cards, feelings first, and we’ll each pick our cards, in silence.  When we have all our cards, we then remove that deck, and lay the other cards, the needs.   We choose what’s most alive for us from this deck, again in silence, and then one person chooses to share first.  While one person is sharing, we listen with silent empathy.  We simply witness and listen to what’s being said.  Note:  This is just ONE way we use the cards, not “the only” way to use them.  😉  (Once, when I was overwhelmed with a lot of emotional attachment and charge, I used the cards to help me get clarity in writing someone a letter.)

If something is burning inside us and we’d like to respond, we ask permission.  We don’t shout out our thoughts or project our reactions when someone else is sharing.  We share with reflective listening.

Clarifying questions can be helpful to encourage someone to tune in deeper to what they need, but I encourage you to be clear of your intentions and agendas before asking questions.   This isn’t for us to fix, diagnose, or decide for anyone else.

Are you thinking, “this is too much work!”?

I’ll admit that in the moment, it does take more time, energy, patience, and willingness.   And…In the long run, it saves time, energy, patience and creates more willingness, because this practice of tuning in creates space for everyone to feel heard, which sometimes is all we need to be able to move forward in our day or life..

May you find peace, happiness, health and all of life’s blessings this holiday season.

With love,

Chris

P.S.  If you’d like to follow my blog and receive my newsletter on simplifying, letting go and creating more ease, you can do that here .

 

By |2018-01-07T01:57:48-05:00December 17th, 2017|Uncategorized|0 Comments
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