How to Nourish Your Needs | A 3-Minute Exercise to Explore

I was talking with a client today about the concept of being nourished by our needs. We discussed how often we neglect our fundamental needs, opting instead to push through life without truly fulfilling them.

If the word “needs” doesn’t resonate with you, feel free to substitute it with values, what matters to you, or what’s important in your life. Sometimes, people associate “needs” with being “needy,” but that’s not the type of need I’m referring to. I’m talking about our basic, primal requirements that are essential for living a fulfilling life.

Our conversation got me thinking. For the past year, I avoided making a decision because I didn’t feel ready to choose. I applied my own litmus test that I’ll invite you to explore as well. I asked myself: What needs are currently being nourished if I stay where I am? And, conversely, what needs could be nourished if I choose to make a change?

Even though things are “fine” and nothing is drastically “wrong”, I’ve been consistently curious to explore what lies beyond if I simply let go and trust.

Connecting to Needs Supports Conscious Choice.

One thing that’s helped me stay connected to what matters is my long time practice of Nonviolent Communication (NVC). In our NVC family, we share the principle that all of our needs matter equally — mine, my husband’s, and our daughter’s. And, even when it’s not possible to meet everyone’s needs in the moment, we can choose to hold them with care and to hear them.

Showing up in this way requires energy, time, presence, and deep empathy — for myself and others. This hasn’t always been the easiest path, but it’s kept us aligned with our values for authenticity, connection, choice, and mattering. And it continues to foster a home filled with rich dialogue and mutual understanding rather than with punishments or rewards.

These approaches allowed me to make a decision with detachment, love, and grace, while appreciating my growth in these experiences. They also helped me to connect with my needs for expansion, space, and deeper self-care as I enter into a new chapter of my life. With my daughter heading off to college after being home-schooled for most of her 18 years, my own transition feels intense.

While balancing family commitments, healing from surgery(s), and building my coaching practice, I’ve learned to embrace uncertainty and take each step forward with intention.

You might not have your next steps mapped out, and that’s okay. What you can do is ask yourself: What nourishes me right now? What needs are fulfilled when I prioritize that? Then, make choices that align with those insights, step by step.

Here’s a 3-Minute Self-Reflection Exercise for You:

  1. Get comfortable where you are sitting.
  2. Close your eyes.
  3. Think about a situation you want to change, or a decision you want to make. (About a job, a relationship, a conversation you need to have, or a task you need to complete etc).
  4. Notice how your body feels as you reflect on this situation. Are you tense? Is your breath shallow? Or do you feel open and receptive?
  5. Without judgment, observe these sensations. They can guide you toward understanding what truly matters to you in this situation.
  6. Identify the needs underlying these feelings. Do you crave ease, relief, or closure?
  7. Consider what actions could nourish these needs. Whether it’s creating space for yourself or initiating a conversation, what step can you take to move towards fulfillment?
  8. If you need help connecting to needs, download this needs list.

Ultimately, it’s our responsibility to meet our own needs and communicate our desires. While it’s wonderful when others intuitively understand and meet our needs, that’s not always the reality.

In conclusion, nurturing ourselves requires a deep connection with our own desires and boundaries. I long to create environmental impact – in my home, my community and on the global scale. That starts with me taking care of me first.  So, I ask you: How will you nourish yourself today? What needs will you fulfill by doing so?

If you resonate with this discussion and want to explore further, I invite you to reach out. Let’s continue this conversation and support each other on our journeys of self-nourishment and growth.